Today was a crap day. It was one of those days that fools you into thinking it'll be a good day before making you take a stupid exam and showing you what kind of day it really is.
I had an exam today, one that is worth 20% of my final grade...and I revised...I revised hard! But I got into the exam and realised that I'd revised the wrong thing :(
Not totally the wrong thing...that would've been really bad...I just focussed my revision on certain things and there weren't as many questions on those things as I thought there were going to be...and more questions on other things.
So I went from being pretty confident in myself to realising that I wasn't going to do well and that I'd been foolish for thinking that I could've got a good grade.
Ok so I'm being over-dramatic there...I can still get a good grade, I just have to work super hard for the essay...the bonus of this test was that if I'd done well then it wouldn't given be a good baseline and possibly pushed my essay up a grade. This way I'm going to have to push myself harder in the essay.
I think I'm just gutted because I put the work in and I was pretty confident that I was going to get around 15%, but I know myself and I know my answers and I think I potentially got around 5% instead which doesn't sound like much lower but it is.
I guess we'll have to wait a week to find out what I actually got!
Anyway so I was sitting here feeling crappy and down, which is kinda ok because I think sometimes you need to wallow before you can pick yourself up and move on, and I heard banging outside...in all my dramatic 'I've failed!' commotion, I completely forgot that tonight is fireworks night and outside my window are some beautiful fireworks...and that made me smile :)
Fireworks are amazing because they are so pretty but they are only momentary, you can't capture it in a picture (at least not properly) but in the tiny fleeting moment you get to see something breathtakingly beautiful...God's kinda like that when he truly reveals himself (and I mean really truly touches your heart), it's fleeting but beautiful, it can't be captured in a picture but the memory lasts forever...heaven's going to be like an eternity of fireworks!
Hehe I just read that last paragraph back and realise that I likened God to fireworks...but in the moment just then, it's what went through my head and it made me feel better, even if it isn't quite theologically sound!
Sorry it's been so long since my last blog, I've just been busy with placement and lectures and assignments, this semester is completely mental and sometimes I have no idea how I keep going...something about it only being six more weeks and then it'll get easier and it'll be Christmas and things...mostly I think I'm leaning heavily on God for energy and thanking him for my amazing friends and family who are keeping me smiling.
So for tonight I'm going to wallow in my own self-pity and keep kicking myself for not revising the wider subjects, and then tomorrow I'll pick myself up and keep going...mostly because I don't have a choice!
Much love xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment