Doing something about it

So following my last blog where I realised that I wasn't actually very happy, I had a long chat with Mum and worked out that the problem really stemmed from placement and that fact that I wasn't happy there.

So I did something about it.

The original plan had been to try and see my placement lead as soon as possible and work out my options but Tuesday morning I got so upset thinking about going in and I was making myself unwell. I won't talk alot about why I wasn't enjoying placement for confidentiality reasons but it was a few different things- including my own lack of experience in statutory social services. I didn't go into placement on Tuesday, instead I went and saw my tutor who said I did need to see my placement lead but confirmed that perhaps I shouldnt be in this placement anymore.

Therefore I was signed off placement for the week until I could see my placement lead- after a few days waiting and wondering over the 'what ifs', I saw her on Friday. Following a difficult conversation it was agreed that I should have a new placement.

Realistically what this means is that she needs to find me a new placement, which she said wouldn't be in statutory social services again because she's not confident in my ability to cope there which I guess is understandable. I will have to start at 0 days again and she has no idea how quickly she can find a placement for me.
I've worked out that if I start my new placement by beginning of December then I can get all my days in by the deadline in May...if not, then I might have to delay my graduation until September.
This obviously wouldn't be ideal as I'd like to graduate with my friends but I think it's probably more important to be happy.

Right now I'm in some sort of limbo where it hasn't quite sunk in that I've been allowed to leave placement and I'm just waiting. I'm planning to use the time off (since now I have nothing but lectures 1 day a week) to work hard on my academic work and catch up with it all, plus get a good start on my dissertation hopefully.

I've been encouraged through this week by the number of my friends who have rallied round to support me- prayers, hugs, long conversations full of reassurance, meals, or simply providing a distraction to make me laugh. In particular on Tuesday night when I was really emotional about it all, I went to a CU exec meeting and ended up crying during prayers at the end and the support I got from the rest of the team was overwhelming. Another time was on wednesday both before and after CU with different friends making me laugh. And Friday after the decision had been made but I was feeling a little battered from the conversation with my placement lead and Dina came round for coffee with flowers and chocolates.
Despite saying that I hadn't seen enough of my friends, this week I've seen them alot and it turns out that they don't really care if placement sometimes takes me away, they will always be there when I need them and they believe in me.

I think that's a good update for now, I'm in limbo but definitely happier :)
Much love xxx