gibberish

apologies for my last blog.
i've just re-read it and realised that it didn't flow very well, there were a couple of typing errors and generally didn't make alot of sense.
however i don't care enough to go back and rewrite it so you'll have to live with it!

it is tuesday today and i'm very very tired.
it has been a week since my solent interview and i haven't heard anything yet. i don't think i'm going to go to my northampton interview since it's tomorrow and firstly i don't have the time, and secondly i don't want to go there.
i'm pretty certain i want to go to oxford brookes and it seems to fit with what God wants so that's always good.

its not going to be a long blog today since i don't have alot to write about and i'm too tired to try and come up with something!
would appreciate prayers for rest, i can feel myself burning out again.
much love xxx

half-term, policemen and the death lift!

sorry again for the late blog! it has been half-term this week and therefore super busy, which doesnt make sense because last half-term was a break for me but not this one.

on tuesday i had my interview at southampton solent, it was good but i'm still thinking i want to go to brookes. waiting on a reply from solent because if they say no then i think God's making it very obvious where he wants me.

then yesterday and today i've been in London at Holy Trinity Brompton church for the youth alpha conference which was very good. good talks, good worship, very impressive bookshop and amazing company.
Andy and I went with Gareth, Pete and Mike (yep i was the only girl- it was noticable at times). on the way there we took a taxi from the coach station in London to the church, however this taxi managed to run someone over....seriously there was a woman on the hood of our car! fortunately she was fine, got up and walked away and our driver went 'that wasn't my fault was it?'....after that i became over-cautious when crossing roads!
then during a break in the conference we found our hotel and went to check it out. first impressions were good, the building looked very nice, the reception was good...then we got in the death lift! just as we got to our floor you could hear the cables screeching....nice(!)
then we looked in the rooms...oh my goodness were they bad! i was the only one with a shower curtain i think, Mike and Pete had a hairdryer that sounded like a hoover, plus their tv was smashed in. Andy didn't have double glazing i don't think.
yeah it was an interesting place....not a complete hole but rubbish for what we paid for it.

anyway today was a nicer day, i had actually got a good night's sleep and the second day of the conference went well.
i left slightly early to go meet with my parents and PJ to go see Avenue Q which is a very funny puppet musical- using the same sort of puppets we do in church, the people are seen though which was done very cleverly. they weren't the sort of songs we would sing in kids church though: 'it's ok if you're gay', 'it sucks to be you' and 'everyone's a little bit racist' being some of the titles (it sounds really offensive but it wasn't, it was very funny)
although the last title didnt seem so funny after the last event of the night. we went to pizza hut for tea afterwards and the waiter who took our order was very funny and nice. until a couple of drunk, abusive guys started causing trouble and were swearing and the waitress and then hurled racial abuse at our waiter. they were asked to leave and the police were called, we'd heard them say something racist earlier too so agreed to leave our names and number with the manager.
the waiter dealt with it incredibly well, he didn't back down from them but he kept his dignity and still managed to continue looking after his customers (our next round of drinks were on him). it was an eventful night.

now i'm home and completely exhausted, tomorrow i have to write a drama and a quiz for the AAW's on sunday but apart from that i should have some time to rest. then next week its back to the normal routine.
only 7 weeks to spring harvest though which is exciting!!
will try and write again soonly
much love xxx

silver lining

sorry for the late blog, i've been away the last 2 days on a new wine kids leaders conference which was brilliant, really challenged me about my kids work.
plus i got pictures and words for people...now i know i shouldnt really boast about this gift as such but i wanted to share it because before this i never got this sort of thing and always thought it was a realy hard thing to get but at this conference god just made it easy and my prayer group really helped so that was very very cool!

however i'm not back and its wednesday which i'm sure i've explained is my very very busy day! i've got a bit of time now to plan godzkidz, check emails etc before going to JMS lunchclub and then youth alpha. tonight is a leaving party for some youth leaders from church so am going to that :)

as for uni stuff- i'm feeling much more positive about it all. i've found out that brookes is the number one place in the country to study social work and is actually where i'm leaning towards going.
continued prayer for this would be good.

i'll try and blog again soon, although next week is half term so is busy. i've got my southampton solent interview and also the youth alpha conference amongst other things.
hope everyone is ok
much love xxx

of course...

3 blogs in less than a week...can you tell everything's going wrong?

i found out last night that UWE said no. my first choice uni, where i was sure i would be going..i have enough ucas points, i have experience...i thought i would at least get an interview but nope..they said no.

i'm pretty devastated. i cried for a while and then just went sort of numb.
i'm struggling to understand the reasons for this, why has god closed this door? i'm also struggling with god about it...i'm not losing my faith or anything, i just wish god would be more clear and am frustrated at him about it all.
please don't say 'god has a plan' because i know he does, i changed my gap year plans for his plan. i dont need to hear what i already know.

i guess i have to start deciding about my next step...it seems so surreal, i dont know what to do.
brookes already gave me an offer. i still have interviews at southampton solent and northampton..i dont want to go to northampton so might cancel that interview. am still deciding about solent.
at the moment i think i like brookes best which is weird because that would mean staying near home...part of me thinks that'd be nice coz i am a home person, part of me just doesnt know.
but when i went to the interview there i really liked it and so maybe thats where i'm meant to be.
who knows? i need some time to decide.

i think with PJ being in hospital, coming home from soulnet, and now this, it feels like we're being attacked...it feels like i'm being attacked...

anyway work goes on, just done fitz CU and got cells later tonight, plus a load of other work to do.....i wish i could have some time out. i know i had the weekend off but i would just like everything to stop while i try and come to terms with everything and have time to rest properly.
but this is the real world and that doesnt happen so i have to keep going...try and find some positives- like on wednesday i'm going to dye my hair! it shouldnt change too much but it was getting too expensive to have done for me so i went and bought one (on my hairdressers advice so my colour now doesnt get ruined) and mum is going to do it for me.
and on saturday we've got the pizza party social for godzkidz.
and next monday and tuesday, mum and val and diana and i are going to a new wine kids leaders conference...should be great teaching.
and before long it'll be half term and i'll get some rest hopefully.
plus i have spring harvest to look forward to at easter!

i just wish it hadnt turned out like this and i hate that there's nothing i can do to change it.
much love xxx

update!

PJ is doing alot better today. his headache is almost completely gone :)

i ended up going to the youth leaders retreat on friday but came home on saturday. i was just emotionally exhausted and it felt very far away. i knew PJ was ok but i wanted to be home with my family. i got very upset about it on friday night but waited until the morning to make a decision. i prayed about it and once i decided to go home i felt a real sense of peace and felt god saying 'that's ok, you can go home'.
so i did. my dad came and got me even though he was feeling the same and didnt really want to drive 3 hours to get me.
whilst it might have been a good conference and the talk i got to hear was very good, it was just too soon after everything to be going away.

so basically i'm home but still resting. i'm not going out to cells tonight or anything because i'm not expected to be there anyway and its nice to just relax at home with my family.

thanks for all the prayers :) will blog more soon
much love xxx

time goes by so slowly

this week was slightly more eventful but not in a good way.
i woke up on wednesday morning to find a note from my parents saying they'd taken PJ to minor injuries and i thought 'oh what's he done now?'
turns out he'd woken up at 2am with an incredibly painful headache and when paracetamol didnt make a difference mum and dad took him to the out-of-hours doctor.
from there he was sent to A&E and then up to a ward. they couldnt rule out a bleed or anything so decided to admit him. then they didnt want to do a brain scan coz the rest of his neurological tests were fine although his blood pressure was a little high.
so they kept him in overnight, observed him more, decided not to scan and eventually sent us home with medicine.
it was a very very long 36 hours and at about 2pm today it all hit me and i broke down crying. i was really really worried about him and still am worried since the headache hasnt gone away. plus i was tired and stressed and trying to make a decision in my head about tomorrow.

tomorrow i'm supposed to be going away for a long weekend to a youth leaders retreat and i was supposed to be leaving first thing in the morning.
we've worked out a way for me to be able to travel down in the evening instead so i dont have to make a decision about whether to go or not until after i've had a long night's sleep and seen how PJ is doing.

something like this shows you how incredibly supportive some friends are and how much praying helps. i've never prayed so much in my life, it could have been something very serious but it isn't, its probably just a very severe migraine, we just have to wait and see if it goes away.

anyway, thankyou to all the people who have been praying :) its much appreciated.
much love xxxx

wasting time

its wednesday and today i have my interview at brookes, i've already been and had the introduction and done the written exercise. unfortunately my one on one interview isnt until 3.40 so my mum's picked me up and i'm hanging out at her office for a couple of hours.
one of her collegues was just leaving the office as i arrived so nicely gave up her computer to me :)
however...you may want to sit down for this news...i can't get on facebook!!!! :(

its weird having to go do interviews and try and convince people that they want me. i thought i did really bad in the written exercise but then i was talking to the other candidates afterwards and one of them said 'i didnt understand what perspectives meant' so i think i did ok!
hopefully the actually individual interview will go ok. its a panel interview which could be really scary :s but i've run through all the worst scenarios in my head so it can only be better than that!

meh i've still got at least an hour to kill.
and i'm so tired, had to get up earlier than normal this morning in order to get to brookes for 8.45am. plus its just exhausting going for days like this. don't ask me why.
thats all for now i think, gonna go send some more emails to people in order to waste some time.
much love xxxx