Lord, in all I do today,
remind me that
there's just one way
to do things
that I do best,
to put my mind
and heart at rest.
And that's to put
in your great hands,
my life, that you alone
have planned.
Amen
Each day is different, some are good, some are not so good. Transitioning from student to fully-fledged adult it tricky and I'm struggling a little as I figure it out. But I'll get there.
And in the wise words of Dorey from Finding Nemo 'Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...'
Much love
xxx
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
oh yeah...
...and I turned 22, graduated from university and got a few jobs...
All that important life news got swallowed up in my selfish rambling, sorry!
All that important life news got swallowed up in my selfish rambling, sorry!
ramble ramble ramble, important life news, ramble ramble
So I'm tired. I admit that my tiredness does not compare with other peoples (mothers with young or sick children, people with insomnia etc). But since I'm tired I kinda care less about those people and become much more self-absorbed...sorry but that's just my way.
Within all that my mind is buzzing with a few important life things and I was about to go to bed when I realised I wouldn't sleep well if I didn't get those thoughts out.
So I decided to dust off the old blog and use it to ramble and rant again (I know I haven't been blogging at much but not many people read it so who cares!)
Important life thing number 1:
I have a few jobs now. Part-time at a nursery, occasional shifts with a social work agency doing support work for families, and a few days voluntarily helping with kids work at church. Here's my brain's thoughts on it...
-Thank goodness I have a job
-But it's only part time so not alot of money
-I'll never move out at this rate
-But at least I'm doing something I enjoy
-I have no idea where it's going or what I'm meant to be doing
-But God does so it's ok
-Yeah but he's not sharing his plan with me
-Or maybe you're not listening
-It all feels so temporary and I hate limbo
-You need to remember the truths you learnt at New Wine this year about trusting God and handing over control
-Oh shut up rational holy part of my brain, the irrational emotional human part says!
Do you see where the problem comes in??
Second thing...is love...don't get excited there's no-one new in my life, there never is...
-I hate being single
-I just want to find that strong godly man who will make me feel safe and make me laugh and fit me perfectly
-a man shouldn't be everything
-God should be enough
-and he is
-but being single sucks
-especially when everyone else around you seems to be in a couple or meeting potential partners
-and suddenly you think that maybe I'm being too demanding and setting my expectations too high
-but God is all powerful and he loves me and I know he has the right man out there for me
-but I want him now!
-and I don't understand why, when I want a godly relationship, God doesn't somehow reward me by giving me that
-which sounds as stupid in my head as it does when you read it
etc etc etc...
I know it's silly to say, but sometimes I physically ache inside for love. It really feels like every else can find that person and I can't. All I want in life is to get married and have children. People say that being 22 is great because I can do anything I want to do, I'm free to travel or be picky about jobs or stay out late on work nights...but I can't actually do the things I want to do because I'm completely reliant on another person coming along and making it happen for me.
I know that in 5 years time I'll probably look back and think how silly this was because the right person will have come along and it'll be all good...but for right now, as I constantly feel like I'm waiting and crying out to God, I just feel quite lonely.
Anyway...I'm tired and my emotions are high and I tend to be more dramatic when I'm like this. So for those who read this- I am very happy with my life. I have great family and friends and enjoy my jobs. I will just always be someone who believes God can give her everything and sometimes I get frustrated when that has to happen on his timetable not mine!
Much love xxx
Within all that my mind is buzzing with a few important life things and I was about to go to bed when I realised I wouldn't sleep well if I didn't get those thoughts out.
So I decided to dust off the old blog and use it to ramble and rant again (I know I haven't been blogging at much but not many people read it so who cares!)
Important life thing number 1:
I have a few jobs now. Part-time at a nursery, occasional shifts with a social work agency doing support work for families, and a few days voluntarily helping with kids work at church. Here's my brain's thoughts on it...
-Thank goodness I have a job
-But it's only part time so not alot of money
-I'll never move out at this rate
-But at least I'm doing something I enjoy
-I have no idea where it's going or what I'm meant to be doing
-But God does so it's ok
-Yeah but he's not sharing his plan with me
-Or maybe you're not listening
-It all feels so temporary and I hate limbo
-You need to remember the truths you learnt at New Wine this year about trusting God and handing over control
-Oh shut up rational holy part of my brain, the irrational emotional human part says!
Do you see where the problem comes in??
Second thing...is love...don't get excited there's no-one new in my life, there never is...
-I hate being single
-I just want to find that strong godly man who will make me feel safe and make me laugh and fit me perfectly
-a man shouldn't be everything
-God should be enough
-and he is
-but being single sucks
-especially when everyone else around you seems to be in a couple or meeting potential partners
-and suddenly you think that maybe I'm being too demanding and setting my expectations too high
-but God is all powerful and he loves me and I know he has the right man out there for me
-but I want him now!
-and I don't understand why, when I want a godly relationship, God doesn't somehow reward me by giving me that
-which sounds as stupid in my head as it does when you read it
etc etc etc...
I know it's silly to say, but sometimes I physically ache inside for love. It really feels like every else can find that person and I can't. All I want in life is to get married and have children. People say that being 22 is great because I can do anything I want to do, I'm free to travel or be picky about jobs or stay out late on work nights...but I can't actually do the things I want to do because I'm completely reliant on another person coming along and making it happen for me.
I know that in 5 years time I'll probably look back and think how silly this was because the right person will have come along and it'll be all good...but for right now, as I constantly feel like I'm waiting and crying out to God, I just feel quite lonely.
Anyway...I'm tired and my emotions are high and I tend to be more dramatic when I'm like this. So for those who read this- I am very happy with my life. I have great family and friends and enjoy my jobs. I will just always be someone who believes God can give her everything and sometimes I get frustrated when that has to happen on his timetable not mine!
Much love xxx
Monday, 8 August 2011
Oh and one more thing...
I forgot to mention in my last blog that not only am I registered to graduate on 8th September...I also officially have a upper second class honours in Social Work from Oxford Brookes University!
HAHA! I got a 2:1 in my degree, I am so chuffed and I am SO glad it's official that I have done everything and I will be graduating!
Much love xxx
HAHA! I got a 2:1 in my degree, I am so chuffed and I am SO glad it's official that I have done everything and I will be graduating!
Much love xxx
Team Guernsey & New Wine 2011
So in the last 3 and a half weeks I have been home a total of 2 nights!
Firstly I want to blog about Guernsey because it was one of the funniest weeks of my life :D
To explain (because I can't remember if I've mentioned it in a previous blog)...myself, Tegan and Jessie (two friends from uni) decided back in January that we were going to go to Guernsey for our friend Ellie's birthday...fast forward 6 months and oh wow we are actually going to Guernsey!
Team Guernsey had a brilliant time on the beautiful island :) we met Ellie's family, got to hang out with her friends, celebrated her birthday in style, went to the beach, had a bonfire, did the touristy stuff, and played ALOT of Ligretto!
Ellie and Jessie I've known for a bit longer and know well, but Tegan is a new friend and I now have no idea how I survived for so long without her in my life!
It was good to get to see Ellie's world and experience Guernsey which really is a beautiful place, but mostly I just had huge amounts of giggles with 3 of my most amazing friends.
Following Guernsey I was home for 24 hours before I left for New Wine London South East (LSE)...now I've never been to the LSE week before, normally my family & church do the CSW (Central South West) week.
But this year I have finished uni and have no job so decided I would do both weeks...on team! Considering I've never even served on team at NW before this was probably a slightly crazy decision but ah well!
For the first week I served on the Gems team which is the 0-2 year olds team, specifically I was working with a bunch of 2 year olds. They were very cute and it helped that I am able to take a screaming child from a parent and distract them quickly with toys.
Not having my family & church around was difficult, I had some friends around but they all had other groups of friends they were camping with, including PJ who was with uni friends. I made some new friends and actually popped over to Bath to see Tegan a few times which was lovely, but I also had alot of time on my own. It wasn't so bad towards the end of the week, and having some just me & God time was positive but I do much prefer having my family around!
Second week rolled around and I had an equally great time, if not slightly better! This week I was working on the Pebbles team which is 3-4 year olds and it felt alot more like ministry rather than childcare which was good :) made more friends and got to hang out with my regular church friends too. I worshipped my heart out on a few nights which was beautiful, I crushed out on a few guys but nothing more than that (and it didn't break my heart when nothing more happened which is significant for me!), I saw kids praying for other kids, I got to catch up with the youth that I adore, and I managed to end the week with a horrible cold where I cough alot and sound like a man!
I enjoyed doing both weeks but perhaps it was a little crazy! Yesterday was pack up day and I couldn't do anything, I'd finally stopped working and my body just crashed out! my dad ended up driving my car home coz I was too wrecked to do it. Am feeling a bit better today after resting and sleeping lots but still coughing lots :(
Next year I think I'll serve on Pebbles again but probably only for one week!
And now I'm home and I don't have alot in my diary which is actually really nice for me. I'll catch up with some people, maybe go visit a few uni friends...but mostly just have some chill time :) next big thing in my life is holiday club but thats like 3 weeks away so plenty of time!
That's all for now I think, time to go to bed and get more rest!
Much love xxx
Firstly I want to blog about Guernsey because it was one of the funniest weeks of my life :D
To explain (because I can't remember if I've mentioned it in a previous blog)...myself, Tegan and Jessie (two friends from uni) decided back in January that we were going to go to Guernsey for our friend Ellie's birthday...fast forward 6 months and oh wow we are actually going to Guernsey!
Team Guernsey had a brilliant time on the beautiful island :) we met Ellie's family, got to hang out with her friends, celebrated her birthday in style, went to the beach, had a bonfire, did the touristy stuff, and played ALOT of Ligretto!
Ellie and Jessie I've known for a bit longer and know well, but Tegan is a new friend and I now have no idea how I survived for so long without her in my life!
It was good to get to see Ellie's world and experience Guernsey which really is a beautiful place, but mostly I just had huge amounts of giggles with 3 of my most amazing friends.
Following Guernsey I was home for 24 hours before I left for New Wine London South East (LSE)...now I've never been to the LSE week before, normally my family & church do the CSW (Central South West) week.
But this year I have finished uni and have no job so decided I would do both weeks...on team! Considering I've never even served on team at NW before this was probably a slightly crazy decision but ah well!
For the first week I served on the Gems team which is the 0-2 year olds team, specifically I was working with a bunch of 2 year olds. They were very cute and it helped that I am able to take a screaming child from a parent and distract them quickly with toys.
Not having my family & church around was difficult, I had some friends around but they all had other groups of friends they were camping with, including PJ who was with uni friends. I made some new friends and actually popped over to Bath to see Tegan a few times which was lovely, but I also had alot of time on my own. It wasn't so bad towards the end of the week, and having some just me & God time was positive but I do much prefer having my family around!
Second week rolled around and I had an equally great time, if not slightly better! This week I was working on the Pebbles team which is 3-4 year olds and it felt alot more like ministry rather than childcare which was good :) made more friends and got to hang out with my regular church friends too. I worshipped my heart out on a few nights which was beautiful, I crushed out on a few guys but nothing more than that (and it didn't break my heart when nothing more happened which is significant for me!), I saw kids praying for other kids, I got to catch up with the youth that I adore, and I managed to end the week with a horrible cold where I cough alot and sound like a man!
I enjoyed doing both weeks but perhaps it was a little crazy! Yesterday was pack up day and I couldn't do anything, I'd finally stopped working and my body just crashed out! my dad ended up driving my car home coz I was too wrecked to do it. Am feeling a bit better today after resting and sleeping lots but still coughing lots :(
Next year I think I'll serve on Pebbles again but probably only for one week!
And now I'm home and I don't have alot in my diary which is actually really nice for me. I'll catch up with some people, maybe go visit a few uni friends...but mostly just have some chill time :) next big thing in my life is holiday club but thats like 3 weeks away so plenty of time!
That's all for now I think, time to go to bed and get more rest!
Much love xxx
Sunday, 26 June 2011
Day 1 without the parentals
So the parentals have gone off for a lovely holiday to Egypt, leaving me & PJ to fend for ourselves and have numerous house parties obviously...
hahahaha yeah I knew you wouldn't believe that!
Nah we're not really house party peoples, mostly because I can't be bothered to clean up the house after a party.
Instead I made us sunday lunch (pasta with cheese sauce which I made from scratch!) and then PJ went to a first aid course and I went to the cinema with my lovely friends.
This week we've got various things planned: tomorrow I'm going to Blenheim, on tuesday PJ's off to portsmouth to see Hannah, PJ's working a bit, I'm going to see Glee...and then Mum & Dad will be back before we know it :)
I'm still in that weird limbo between finishing and graduating. I saw my friends graduate on Thursday which was super weird and a little emotional. I was so proud of my friends but I wish I could've been there to join them. All of this was not helped by my graduation still not being confirmed for September, it should be fine but until I'm registered and everything I won't be entirely comfortable.
But I'm looking forward to chilling out with friends and doing some fun things over the next few weeks :)
Much love xxx
hahahaha yeah I knew you wouldn't believe that!
Nah we're not really house party peoples, mostly because I can't be bothered to clean up the house after a party.
Instead I made us sunday lunch (pasta with cheese sauce which I made from scratch!) and then PJ went to a first aid course and I went to the cinema with my lovely friends.
This week we've got various things planned: tomorrow I'm going to Blenheim, on tuesday PJ's off to portsmouth to see Hannah, PJ's working a bit, I'm going to see Glee...and then Mum & Dad will be back before we know it :)
I'm still in that weird limbo between finishing and graduating. I saw my friends graduate on Thursday which was super weird and a little emotional. I was so proud of my friends but I wish I could've been there to join them. All of this was not helped by my graduation still not being confirmed for September, it should be fine but until I'm registered and everything I won't be entirely comfortable.
But I'm looking forward to chilling out with friends and doing some fun things over the next few weeks :)
Much love xxx
Sunday, 19 June 2011
Finished forever...
I know it's been a little while since I blogged and I apologise for that...I'm still not 100% sure I even want to blog right now, because like it or not, I am completely done with university!
(well...I still have to wait for my final result in July and graduate in September but I've finished placement and all assignments!)
It is the weirdest feeling in the world...on Friday as I drove home from handing in my last assignment I cried, not because I'm majorly sad or anything, but because the mix of emotions had been building up all day (happiness, fear, sadness, nostalgia, joy, hope...) and the only way I know how to release those emotions is to cry!
I know that God has a plan, and that the best is yet to come...but for now, this has been the best 3 years of my life. I have loved being a student! And I'm not your typical student, I've lived at home, I've never been completely drunk, and I actually spent most of my degree working full-time in an unpaid placement....but it's been great!
Yes there have been some hard times (just read my blogs from late september 2008 or late october 2010 and you'll see!) but overall it's been brilliant :)
I've made some amazing friends who have literally made my university experience that little bit more brilliant. I've learnt that I'm actually quite good at what I do and that I'm smarter than I realise. I've developed in my organisation and cake-making skills. I've passed on my knowledge and experience to others. I've learnt from those with more life experience than me. I've deepened my faith in so many ways and been well supported to do so.
Mostly I've really become comfortable with who I am.
I'm a good friend. I can be slightly overdramatic. I cry at nothing and everything. I'm not skinny but I'm happy. I am stubborn and moody and grumpy when I don't sleep enough. I make good cakes. I'm great at delegation. I'm lazy. I overthink things. I am funny and bright and friendly. I have trust issues. I am highly competitive. I love God more than I thought possible. I am a massive control freak and I am loyal to the people I love.
I know who I am, I have friends who love me entirely and a God who created me this way.
University has taught me this...and I would say that is more valuable than any degree (...although also being on track for a 2:1 doesn't hurt!)
Actually...despite being nervous about writing this blog, it's turned out ok :) I think I've captured how I feel about uni. Plus it's worth saying that I'm enjoying realising that I don't have to work tomorrow, that I can sleep in and spend the day making cakes! I have a holiday in Guernsey, 2 weeks of New Wine, Holiday Club and my birthday and graduation to look forward to. God has a plan for a job and mostly I'm calmly being able to trust that :)
Life is pretty good for Sarah right now!
Much love xxx
(well...I still have to wait for my final result in July and graduate in September but I've finished placement and all assignments!)
It is the weirdest feeling in the world...on Friday as I drove home from handing in my last assignment I cried, not because I'm majorly sad or anything, but because the mix of emotions had been building up all day (happiness, fear, sadness, nostalgia, joy, hope...) and the only way I know how to release those emotions is to cry!
I know that God has a plan, and that the best is yet to come...but for now, this has been the best 3 years of my life. I have loved being a student! And I'm not your typical student, I've lived at home, I've never been completely drunk, and I actually spent most of my degree working full-time in an unpaid placement....but it's been great!
Yes there have been some hard times (just read my blogs from late september 2008 or late october 2010 and you'll see!) but overall it's been brilliant :)
I've made some amazing friends who have literally made my university experience that little bit more brilliant. I've learnt that I'm actually quite good at what I do and that I'm smarter than I realise. I've developed in my organisation and cake-making skills. I've passed on my knowledge and experience to others. I've learnt from those with more life experience than me. I've deepened my faith in so many ways and been well supported to do so.
Mostly I've really become comfortable with who I am.
I'm a good friend. I can be slightly overdramatic. I cry at nothing and everything. I'm not skinny but I'm happy. I am stubborn and moody and grumpy when I don't sleep enough. I make good cakes. I'm great at delegation. I'm lazy. I overthink things. I am funny and bright and friendly. I have trust issues. I am highly competitive. I love God more than I thought possible. I am a massive control freak and I am loyal to the people I love.
I know who I am, I have friends who love me entirely and a God who created me this way.
University has taught me this...and I would say that is more valuable than any degree (...although also being on track for a 2:1 doesn't hurt!)
Actually...despite being nervous about writing this blog, it's turned out ok :) I think I've captured how I feel about uni. Plus it's worth saying that I'm enjoying realising that I don't have to work tomorrow, that I can sleep in and spend the day making cakes! I have a holiday in Guernsey, 2 weeks of New Wine, Holiday Club and my birthday and graduation to look forward to. God has a plan for a job and mostly I'm calmly being able to trust that :)
Life is pretty good for Sarah right now!
Much love xxx
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