Yet in the last year I think I've learnt, more than ever, that God has a way of using the bad stuff to change us and mould us and ultimately bless us....of using the rain to make rainbows.
Currently I am sitting on my comfy sofa, in the warm, getting excited for Christmas...but exactly a year ago I was in my car, trapped by my seatbelt, having taken my eyes off the road for a second. My whole world turned upside down...literally!
It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me and I still get emotional thinking about it.
As I picked myself up and began to heal both mentally and physically I was amazed by God's comfort and strength. I was able to drive again quickly and the long term injuries haven't been too severe. I praised God for it but by February I had 'moved on' and was confident that I had gotten past that night.
However, as 2013 draws to a close, I've been reflecting on my life and how much it's changed in the last year. As I look back at those changes I can track them all back to that one night and that surprises me more than it should.
That car crash caused a unique friendship to become closer, shift to love, and then shift back again. Not a sad break-up story, but actually a testament of my first serious relationship. It's the story of a person who saw the walls around my heart and stuck around long enough to be there when I was at my most vulnerable and who made me feel safe. I never would've been so vulnerable without the crash, and he wouldn't have realised how important I was to him without it. Despite it not working out, in the space of a few months there were issues I resolved that I'd been working over a decade to shift...all because of that one night...and for that I will forever be thankful.
That night also prompted me to think about the purpose of my life...why had God made me the way he did, with the skills that I have. This culminated in me handing my notice in at my job over the summer with no plan in mind, just trusting that God had the next step planned...which He did. As of January I am hopefully going to begin a long journey of studying towards becoming an Educational Psychologist. Starting with some part time psychology modules, alongside some part time work...some hours at my old job ...and a nannying job with a lovely family that was offered to me out of the blue the week that I decided to go back to studying. Coincidence? (Psst...no, it was God!)
The crash pushed me to evaluate myself and to examine my life goals, and to go for something that I didn't think I was smart enough to even attempt. Because God made me, and He protects me, and he values my life.
He didn't stop the crash from happening, although I believe that He could have, but instead He used it to move me on from the stagnant life I was living. A life where I moaned about being single and alone, and yet refused to open my heart to anyone. A life where I was going through the motions in a comfortable safe job because it was enjoyable and easy. A life where I was using God as a crisis hotline rather than as a wise friend.
God is so good.
Let me say that again...He is GOOD! He loves us unconditionally and wants to make our lives the best they can be. He has a plan and a purpose and if we seek Him then He will guide us on that path.
God doesn't want us to suffer, but He does want us to live in a world of free will...the consequence of that free will is sin and suffering. God isn't making that happen...we are. He is mercifully sticking with us and finding as many opportunities as He can to use the bad stuff in the best way possible.
A year ago I would've said that I'd do anything to undo that crash and to not have the memories in my head. But considering all the amazing stuff that's happened because of that night...I'll take the memories thanks...because, let's face it, you can't get a rainbow without some rain...
No comments:
Post a Comment