I doubt that once my lectures start I will continue to blog daily but for now its the space I need to let out my feelings.
today hasn't been so bad. at the moment I have a headache and am very tired but I plan to fix that by taking more medicine soon and then getting an early night.
I didn't end up enrolling today, instead I registered at the school of health and social care and had a long day of stuff. most of it was useful information but it could have been squeezed into less time, particularly since we've got thursday and friday full of stuff at the school too.
Dina and I ended up hanging out for most of the day, along with Adam (not flatmate Adam, social work Adam) which was fun. Dina and I have realised that we're basically chalk and cheese. She's rebelled against her traditional muslim upbringing and turned into a partying, smoking, very laid back girl. I am the opposite, a strong christian with a strong faith who doesn't like to club, definitely doesn't smoke and likes to be in control of when things happen.
but it works. she respects my faith and has even asked questions, she understands that clubbing isn't my scene so is meeting me half way and we'll just go to pubs when its the two of us. we have the same stupid sense of humour and because we know we're different and don't try to change each other it works. I think she might be the first proper friend I've made at uni. who knows whether it'll last but for now it means that I'm not at all nervous about who to sit by in my lectures.
Adam is a quiet, laid back, lovely guy. likes to party too but also has had a steady girlfriend for 4 years and seems to be pretty content to just cruise through life as he is.
the three of us have decided to stick together for now. and I like being part of a group like that. I miss being part of a group like that. I have no idea whether they'll be my closest friends forever but for now they make me feel alot less lonely so that works for me.
so tomorrow once I finally do enrol I can get internet, which I really miss. stupid I know...'what did we do before internet?' but its one of the easiest ways to get information and also to talk to friends. Steph got her internet today so I quickly checked my email and facebook and had missed comments and messages but didnt have time to reply to them so will hopefully do it soon.
I'm also having lunch with Mum tomorrow. we talked about whether to have lunch at mine or at her work and I realised that no-one else had had their parents over yet and I didnt want to be the first but I still really wanted to see Mum but she didnt want me to feel like I had to see her and didn't want me to feel like I couldn't tell her that...anyway after a couple of phone calls we worked out that we'll get lunch and go to her office. It's weird, working out the way of doing things like that. gave me a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, the one I get when I'm stressed and can't work out what the real problem is. I think Mum put her finger on it though...this isn't home. Inviting my friends over to check out my new room is one thing but hanging out with people or with my family, it isn't the same because this isn't a home where I feel entirely comfortable yet. It's just a room surrounded by a bunch of others rooms with other people that I don't really know yet.
but like Mum said...it's only been a few days.
it feels like a few months since I left home.
still getting the homesick waves.
just getting better at dealing with them.
all this will be on the internet tomorrow and I'll try to keep writing as regularly as possible. but since tomorrow night is the first CU meeting, I'm hoping to find some real friends, people who get me in a different way...maybe then I'll begin to feel more comfortable.
much love xxx
