Lord, in all I do today,
remind me that
there's just one way
to do things
that I do best,
to put my mind
and heart at rest.
And that's to put
in your great hands,
my life, that you alone
have planned.
Amen
Each day is different, some are good, some are not so good. Transitioning from student to fully-fledged adult it tricky and I'm struggling a little as I figure it out. But I'll get there.
And in the wise words of Dorey from Finding Nemo 'Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...'
Much love
xxx
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
oh yeah...
...and I turned 22, graduated from university and got a few jobs...
All that important life news got swallowed up in my selfish rambling, sorry!
All that important life news got swallowed up in my selfish rambling, sorry!
ramble ramble ramble, important life news, ramble ramble
So I'm tired. I admit that my tiredness does not compare with other peoples (mothers with young or sick children, people with insomnia etc). But since I'm tired I kinda care less about those people and become much more self-absorbed...sorry but that's just my way.
Within all that my mind is buzzing with a few important life things and I was about to go to bed when I realised I wouldn't sleep well if I didn't get those thoughts out.
So I decided to dust off the old blog and use it to ramble and rant again (I know I haven't been blogging at much but not many people read it so who cares!)
Important life thing number 1:
I have a few jobs now. Part-time at a nursery, occasional shifts with a social work agency doing support work for families, and a few days voluntarily helping with kids work at church. Here's my brain's thoughts on it...
-Thank goodness I have a job
-But it's only part time so not alot of money
-I'll never move out at this rate
-But at least I'm doing something I enjoy
-I have no idea where it's going or what I'm meant to be doing
-But God does so it's ok
-Yeah but he's not sharing his plan with me
-Or maybe you're not listening
-It all feels so temporary and I hate limbo
-You need to remember the truths you learnt at New Wine this year about trusting God and handing over control
-Oh shut up rational holy part of my brain, the irrational emotional human part says!
Do you see where the problem comes in??
Second thing...is love...don't get excited there's no-one new in my life, there never is...
-I hate being single
-I just want to find that strong godly man who will make me feel safe and make me laugh and fit me perfectly
-a man shouldn't be everything
-God should be enough
-and he is
-but being single sucks
-especially when everyone else around you seems to be in a couple or meeting potential partners
-and suddenly you think that maybe I'm being too demanding and setting my expectations too high
-but God is all powerful and he loves me and I know he has the right man out there for me
-but I want him now!
-and I don't understand why, when I want a godly relationship, God doesn't somehow reward me by giving me that
-which sounds as stupid in my head as it does when you read it
etc etc etc...
I know it's silly to say, but sometimes I physically ache inside for love. It really feels like every else can find that person and I can't. All I want in life is to get married and have children. People say that being 22 is great because I can do anything I want to do, I'm free to travel or be picky about jobs or stay out late on work nights...but I can't actually do the things I want to do because I'm completely reliant on another person coming along and making it happen for me.
I know that in 5 years time I'll probably look back and think how silly this was because the right person will have come along and it'll be all good...but for right now, as I constantly feel like I'm waiting and crying out to God, I just feel quite lonely.
Anyway...I'm tired and my emotions are high and I tend to be more dramatic when I'm like this. So for those who read this- I am very happy with my life. I have great family and friends and enjoy my jobs. I will just always be someone who believes God can give her everything and sometimes I get frustrated when that has to happen on his timetable not mine!
Much love xxx
Within all that my mind is buzzing with a few important life things and I was about to go to bed when I realised I wouldn't sleep well if I didn't get those thoughts out.
So I decided to dust off the old blog and use it to ramble and rant again (I know I haven't been blogging at much but not many people read it so who cares!)
Important life thing number 1:
I have a few jobs now. Part-time at a nursery, occasional shifts with a social work agency doing support work for families, and a few days voluntarily helping with kids work at church. Here's my brain's thoughts on it...
-Thank goodness I have a job
-But it's only part time so not alot of money
-I'll never move out at this rate
-But at least I'm doing something I enjoy
-I have no idea where it's going or what I'm meant to be doing
-But God does so it's ok
-Yeah but he's not sharing his plan with me
-Or maybe you're not listening
-It all feels so temporary and I hate limbo
-You need to remember the truths you learnt at New Wine this year about trusting God and handing over control
-Oh shut up rational holy part of my brain, the irrational emotional human part says!
Do you see where the problem comes in??
Second thing...is love...don't get excited there's no-one new in my life, there never is...
-I hate being single
-I just want to find that strong godly man who will make me feel safe and make me laugh and fit me perfectly
-a man shouldn't be everything
-God should be enough
-and he is
-but being single sucks
-especially when everyone else around you seems to be in a couple or meeting potential partners
-and suddenly you think that maybe I'm being too demanding and setting my expectations too high
-but God is all powerful and he loves me and I know he has the right man out there for me
-but I want him now!
-and I don't understand why, when I want a godly relationship, God doesn't somehow reward me by giving me that
-which sounds as stupid in my head as it does when you read it
etc etc etc...
I know it's silly to say, but sometimes I physically ache inside for love. It really feels like every else can find that person and I can't. All I want in life is to get married and have children. People say that being 22 is great because I can do anything I want to do, I'm free to travel or be picky about jobs or stay out late on work nights...but I can't actually do the things I want to do because I'm completely reliant on another person coming along and making it happen for me.
I know that in 5 years time I'll probably look back and think how silly this was because the right person will have come along and it'll be all good...but for right now, as I constantly feel like I'm waiting and crying out to God, I just feel quite lonely.
Anyway...I'm tired and my emotions are high and I tend to be more dramatic when I'm like this. So for those who read this- I am very happy with my life. I have great family and friends and enjoy my jobs. I will just always be someone who believes God can give her everything and sometimes I get frustrated when that has to happen on his timetable not mine!
Much love xxx
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