Rainbows in the rain

I've always found that saying very cliche...'seeing the rainbow through the rain'...I love rainbows, I believe they are a sign of God's promises to us. But I always thought it was a bit cheesy to believe that in the midst of sorrow people should be able to see a rainbow. I love an inspirational quote but this was always a bit too much.

Yet in the last year I think I've learnt, more than ever, that God has a way of using the bad stuff to change us and mould us and ultimately bless us....of using the rain to make rainbows. 

Currently I am sitting on my comfy sofa, in the warm, getting excited for Christmas...but exactly a year ago I was in my car, trapped by my seatbelt, having taken my eyes off the road for a second. My whole world turned upside down...literally! 

It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me and I still get emotional thinking about it.

As I picked myself up and began to heal both mentally and physically I was amazed by God's comfort and strength. I was able to drive again quickly and the long term injuries haven't been too severe. I praised God for it but by February I had 'moved on' and was confident that I had gotten past that night.

However, as 2013 draws to a close, I've been reflecting on my life and how much it's changed in the last year. As I look back at those changes I can track them all back to that one night and that surprises me more than it should.

That car crash caused a unique friendship to become closer, shift to love, and then shift back again. Not a sad break-up story, but actually a testament of my first serious relationship. It's the story of a person who saw the walls around my heart and stuck around long enough to be there when I was at my most vulnerable and who made me feel safe. I never would've been so vulnerable without the crash, and he wouldn't have realised how important I was to him without it. Despite it not working out, in the space of a few months there were issues I resolved that I'd been working over a decade to shift...all because of that one night...and for that I will forever be thankful.

That night also prompted me to think about the purpose of my life...why had God made me the way he did, with the skills that I have. This culminated in me handing my notice in at my job over the summer with no plan in mind, just trusting that God had the next step planned...which He did. As of January I am hopefully going to begin a long journey of studying towards becoming an Educational Psychologist. Starting with some part time psychology modules, alongside some part time work...some hours at my old job ...and a nannying job with a lovely family that was offered to me out of the blue the week that I decided to go back to studying. Coincidence? (Psst...no, it was God!)

The crash pushed me to evaluate myself and to examine my life goals, and to go for something that I didn't think I was smart enough to even attempt. Because God made me, and He protects me, and he values my life.

He didn't stop the crash from happening, although I believe that He could have, but instead He used it to move me on from the stagnant life I was living. A life where I moaned about being single and alone, and yet refused to open my heart to anyone. A life where I was going through the motions in a comfortable safe job because it was enjoyable and easy. A life where I was using God as a crisis hotline rather than as a wise friend.

God is so good.

Let me say that again...He is GOOD! He loves us unconditionally and wants to make our lives the best they can be. He has a plan and a purpose and if we seek Him then He will guide us on that path.

God doesn't want us to suffer, but He does want us to live in a world of free will...the consequence of that free will is sin and suffering. God isn't making that happen...we are. He is mercifully sticking with us and finding as many opportunities as He can to use the bad stuff in the best way possible.

A year ago I would've said that I'd do anything to undo that crash and to not have the memories in my head. But considering all the amazing stuff that's happened because of that night...I'll take the memories thanks...because, let's face it, you can't get a rainbow without some rain...

GodZone

GodZone (ɡɒdzəʊn)

noun the regular Sunday morning meeting of children aged 5-11 at Christ Church Abingdon, Northcourt Road. Often includes dramas, quizzes, prayer, worship and fun.

E.g. 'I went to GodZone today and it was brilliant' 

This morning was the last official GodZone for Val, Clive, Jonny, Helen and a few others. I took responsibility for planning and running the morning because I wanted to give them an amazing send off but there was so much I couldn't include that I felt I needed to write this too.

GodZone started just over 11 years ago. The children's work at Christ Church used to be split into two age groups and the children would start in the main service before heading to their groups. A group of people started to imagine what it would be like if they created a kids church...where the kids all gathered together, where there was a live band and fun games, and relevant bible teaching for the children. So that's what they did.

It has been so successful too- we regularly get between 50-70 children each morning plus 20-30 teenagers and leaders. There have been several different quiz formats, a million dramas written, lots of songs, prayer activities, puppet sketches, over £2000 raised for charity...and approximately 400 people who have ever attended or helped with GodZone.

Kids love the fun element but also get excited about meeting with God and learning more about being friends with Him. The team have learnt more and created more things throughout the years, and it keeps getting better and better. I'm sure the next chapter will bring lots of new inspiration and excitement.

This morning as I prayed for our team I said that lots of things have changed but God has stayed the same. I am so grateful for the blessings that God has poured out through GodZone.

So many children and adults have benefitted from the amazingness of GodZone...You might think that this blogpost is about silliness and fun and celebrating GodZone...and it is...but it's also about a group of people that has shaped my life, and I wanted to share that with you too.

My parents have done children's work for as long as I can remember. They used to help on summer venture camps and Sunday school. I attended them all and then as I got to 11 years old and was no longer considered a 'child' I made the natural move to helping with kids work. I helped with Climbers (5-7's) at church and as a Go2 on the venture camps (don't ask!).

As a child I had heard about God from the adults around me and I loved developing a personal connection with Him because of it. I was excited to go to church, I loved singing and dancing and worshipping, I found prayer meaningful and that being with God was amazing fun. The adults, my parents and their friends, had strived to inspire me and teach me, but also to give me a safe place to explore and question. They never judged me or looked down on me, they loved me unconditionally.

As I became a 'leader' I found great pleasure out of watching children ask questions like I did, and have the same awe-inspiring moments that I had, and I wanted to help contribute to creating that safe space for them. I wanted to learn from those adults around me and to love those children, just as I'd been loved.

As a teenager I helped with kids work, at 16 I started to lead groups for myself. In my gap year I did kids work in our sister church site and in the summers I began to lead holiday club groups.

Following university I joined the UpFront team and began formally leading GodZones. One of the responsibilities that I haven taken on myself is to invest in the teenagers because I know the value of that investment myself.

I have now been doing kids work for over 13 years which is over half my life and I hope I have a lot longer to go!

Val, Clive, Jonny, Helen, James, Lynn, Mum and Dad have shaped my character and my faith. They led me as a child, they taught me as a teenager, and they support me as an adult. My parents joke that we corporate parent in our group, but it's so true. These people have been extra parents to me and are now some of my closest friends.

The person that I am, the characteristics I have...I learnt from them.

Mum and Dad taught me more than I can put in this blog (perhaps another time!)

Jonny taught me to think outside the box.

Helen taught me the power of words.

James taught me that nothing is too crazy (and the importance of time-keeping!)

Lynn taught me compassion and empathy.

Clive taught me that I am smarter than I think.

and Val...she taught me everything I know about children's work.

You see, today wasn't just a celebration of GodZone for me...it was a celebration of everything that these people mean to me. The love that they put into teaching children over the years has been immense to watch, but I will forever be indebted to them for the love they have shown me. Our families have laughed and cried together over so many things, we have gained and lost people over the years, but the love has never changed, because the foundation in God has never changed. It's special and rare and I hope some day that my children will experience that kind of family love.

I hope today went a small way to showing them how special they are.

Thank you all xxx

Life decisions

I've always thought that life would be much easier if God gave me a detailed plan of what he wants me to do...with specific details about when and how it would all happen.

But I tend to forget that actually this would take all the fun out of life! If that happened then I'd lose the excitement of discovering something new, the feeling of accomplishment when I achieved something.

Also God doesn't want me to be a mindless, controlled drone...he wants me to seek him and his plan, but to have the freedom to choose and explore.

Which means that I have the amazing ability to think about what I want out of life, to research different possibilities and ultimately try out as many of them as I want. It's important that I keep my eyes on him and keep my heart with him, but that just means that I'm not alone as I try new things.

Secondly God made me exactly how he wanted me to be. He didn't make a mistake or wish that I was different. He made me with the gifts that I have because he knew that I could add something to the world.

He made me to be decisive, he doesn't see that as bossy.

He made me to be organised, he doesn't think I'm obsessive.

He made me to be loving, he doesn't see that as over-emotional.

And if I'm not feeling fulfilled in a job, it doesn't mean that the job or the workplace isn't a good place to be, it's that my skills and gifts don't fit the job I'm in...a round peg in a square hole...actually that's not quite right, it's more like a round peg in a pentagon hole- it fits a bit, but not perfectly. But I deserve to find my perfect fit...I was made by the ultimate creator to be exactly who I am, and he wants me to be the best I can be and help as many people as possible.

All of this is basically me saying that my work life is changing...I've realised that as much as I love where I work, it's come to a time of change...time for me to explore :)

No decisions yet, I will let you know when I've worked it out! But for now, I'm just pleased that I've recognised these truths of God...that he has a plan but wants me to have freedom, and that as far as he's concerned I am perfectly made.

It takes a church...

Yesterday my little brother married one of my best friends and in his speech he quoted 'it takes a village to raise a child, and a community to help build a marriage'...well I'd like to add to that and say that it also takes a church to run a wedding.

PJ & Hannah's wedding was one of the most special days I have ever been a part of, watching two of my favourite people finally get to publicly commit themselves to each other and begin their married life together was just incredible. Hannah is the sweetest and kindest person I know, and PJ is the most loyal and protective brother I could've ever hoped for, and to witness their love for each other and the way they are building their marriage around God is such a privilege.

But...running a wedding is hard work, especially when you want to ensure that PJ & Hannah get to enjoy it, and there is no way we could've done it without our extended church family. Because church is not a building it is a community and a family (and I have no idea how anyone does a wedding without them!):

It's Eliza, Alex, Duncan, Hannah, Meg, Molly, Katie, Andy, Will and Catherine who served the guests with grace and professionalism.

It's Mike and Ronnie who undertook the enormous task of heading up the 'behind the scenes' teams and poured themselves into working and ensuring everything was done well, all with humour and spark.

It's the Ross', Nashs, Hancocks, McLeishs, Moons, Sandifords, Challis', Saxbys, Scotneys (and any others I've forgotten!) who made delicious salads and puddings to cater for hundreds.

It's Jean who generously made the cake, Mum who did the flowers, Nan who made the bunting, Rachel who lent bunting, Janice who lent decorations (and headed up tea & coffee), Grace who decorated the cake, Burfitts and Sandifords and Brombleys who set up the church on Friday..all details that added up to a huge amount.

All of whom I think were thanked on the day by PJ & Hannah :) and all of whom I am thankful for too

...but there are a few unsung heroes that I am especially thankful for, without whom I wouldn't have survived:

It's Emily, Callum, Jenny, Jon (and several others whose names I can't remember) who stayed very late with me to help clear the church afterwards and graciously followed my tired directing without question.

It's Challis', Nashs, Saxbys and other Christchurch people who left the party without question to help us clear out the reception room when we realised we were short-handed, they got stuck in without complaining or expecting anything in return.

It's Millers who travelled across the Atlantic to enjoy a party and still chose to come and help tidy up.

It's Scotneys who willingly helped set up on Friday night, pack down on Saturday, AND provided us with two of the cutest ushers I've ever seen (and who just stopped by to share photos with us!)

It's Duncan who did all things without me asking and made me cry with laughter by trying to transport a wedding cake home at 1.30am.

It's Josh who carried a million sofas and chairs across the church site always giving me a smile and making me laugh.

It's Rich who didn't rest until every job was done and who even found time to chat through my life plans and offer wisdom.

And then there are those who didn't even know they were helping...

It's a vicar who said it was the most special wedding she'd ever been to.

It's the girl I had never met before telling me that I looked beautiful and was doing a good job.

It's Angie, Kathryn and Ruth who intentionally caught up on my life and offered encouragement, making me feel valued and affirmed in my decisions.

It's Jake who saw me trying to move a table this morning at GodZone, recognised that I was exhausted and told me to stop because he would do it.

It's Josh, Elliot, Joe and Sarah who ensured that I spent a good amount of time on the dance floor and got to enjoy the wedding too.

It's Issac, Joseph and Shelby who were not only adorable little ushers and flower girl, but also kept me smiling and surrounded by love so that I didn't have much chance to feel single at my little brother's wedding...a concept that I'm sure they don't even understand which makes it even sweeter.

Today I will crash out, exhausted physically and emotionally, and very thankful that I have tomorrow off work to recover!

But yesterday, Saturday 14th September 2013, will always be in my memory as a day that saw two amazing people get married, and a day that saw a church family come together to graciously and lovingly make it all happen smoothly.

As far as I'm concerned it was the best day of my life...so far! And it's made even more special knowing that whenever my day comes, most of those same people will come together again to make my day incredible too...because that's what family does.

A week of prayer...

About three months ago I felt God saying that I was signed up for the wrong team for the first week of New Wine. So I prayed about it and then got in touch with my friend who had run a prayer space the previous year. She said she wasn't doing it the first week but 24-7 Prayer were, a few weeks later I was in touch with them, a few weeks after that my application was switched over, a few weeks after that I arrived at New Wine to meet the most amazingly welcoming team.

I came to New Wine this year carrying a bit of baggage about several things and God has blessed me with these brilliant people who have accepted me, listened to me, offered me advice and hugs, and taught me more about God and prayer than I had anticipated.

Between us we've been running an Internet cafe with the best coffee on site (not that I'm biased!), and a prayer shed...open 7.30am- 10.30pm...so not quite 24-7 like it says on the tin but if I've learnt anything this week it's that prayer is not prescriptive, it doesn't follow rules or timings or plans...it's personal and emotional and spiritual...it's conversation with God, and He LOVES that!

For any of my friends who are coming to New Wine CSW next week, I highly recommend spending some time here...it'll still be going! Then head to the cafe for a decent cup of coffee :)

Anyway I thought I'd post some pictures of the different stations we have and share some of what I've been learning this week. There are 10 stations, people don't have to do them in order but they follow the story of Joseph if you do:

1. Thankfulness

This wall of thankful prayers is right by where I sit when I'm hosting the venue and its the most humbling collection of thanks to God. The prayers range from thanks for family, to thanks for creation...and if you ever need something to bring your focus back to God- just think about what you can thank him for...trust me, the list seems unending.

2. Hopes and Dreams

I love the bubble tubes, I could sit and watch them for hours...this station encourages people to write down their hopes and watch them rise like bubbles to God. I really enjoy that God is invested in my hopes and dreams, He's the one who put them in my heart and He wants them to come to fruition just as much as me.

3. Obedience

A simple station...just putting your thumbprint on a canvas. But that thumbprint symbolises your choice to be completely obedient to God...harder than you would think, trust me! I think this station took me the longest when I went round, because it's not a simple decision. It's massively hard to trust God that much that you will follow whatever He says. Particularly for a control freak like me!

4. Places of Influence

Inside this black tent is actually a beautiful sanctuary of fairy lights and cardboard walls that now have writing and handprints all over them. It asks people to think about where they have influence over people or things. I struggled with this one because I don't think of myself as someone who has influence but actually I do...on my friends, on the kids and youth at church...and I need to take responsibility for that and ensure that I seek God first and be a representation of Him to those people.

5. Worries

This station wasn't so hard for me! I worry all the time...about everything! My luggage tag was full quickly!

But tying it up and handing everything over to God, not so easy...and yet so worth doing.

6. God's Voice

This station had people writing promises and prophecies on acetate triangles and pegging them up...you can't really see them all in the photo...but they are there! God is clearly speaking over people's lives and it's been amazing to see how many clear words and pictures He's been giving.

7. Creativity

The amount of pictures that have been created in this space...but actually I think I've found that its more about the process than the product. God's spirit flowing through people to create and enjoying talking to Him this way. People will stay a long time at this station, I did myself. I was just quiet and calm and fun.

8. World Issues

I've been reading Red Moon Rising this week (just finished it!) which is the story of 24-7 Prayer and its clear in that book that its no just about prayer, it's about action...God breaks our hearts for what breaks His and this map is so full of people praying for issues and places. God seeks justice for people who are hurting and He is calling us to help them.

9. Sorry

This station seemed quite late in the order to me, but I get it...having taken time to get in touch with God and deepen how I was communicating with Him, it's important to acknowledge that I'm not worthy. That I am broken and messed up and that I have to say sorry for those things that separate me from God.

10. Forgiveness

Following on from station 9, this space means I was able to go from this place feeling clean and forgiven and loved. God is so good that even when I mess up on the same things again and again, He still offers forgiveness.

Even when He and I both know that I'm going to mess up again, He offers forgiveness and love.

It's incredibly humbling.

The final area is the Deeper Tent...

A space to just be with God...there's a real sense of peace and calm when you enter this tent. It's a place to go deeper with God and spend time just enjoying Him.

It took time for this tent to come together and it was slightly delayed in opening but actually I truly believe that's because it's such a special place and the enemy wanted to try and throw it off track...but we prayed protection and God prevailed.

That's the prayer shed...I've been so blessed to be able to spend hours here at a time whilst hosting it, I've also spent some of my 'free' time here...because its helped me bring my focus back to God.

It's making me think about how I can create my own space back home because everything else has a better perspective on it when my eyes are focused on God :)

From your babysitter

Dear all parents I babysit for (past, present and future),

Thank you for entrusting me with your child, I honestly wouldn't be here if I didn't think I could look after them.

I appreciate that leaving your child with someone else can be worrying, especially if you haven't left them with me before. 

Please don't feel bad about leaving clear instructions, I would much rather have pages of notes than no information (somewhere in the middle is probably best!).

These instructions could be verbal or written but some kind of information is good. It will probably also help you relax whilst you're out and not worry that you've forgotten to tell me something key!

It's good to tell me your child's bedtime, and what their normal bedtime routine is, so that its kept consistent for them. Telling me they know their bedtime doesn't work, because young kids don't know the time and older kids will probably lie. Kids also like to say they "always" have something before bed (milk, stories, snacks), if this is true then please tell me, otherwise I'm probably going to make my own judgment call that isn't always popular with the child!

If your child is in bed when I arrive, let me know if you have or haven't told them I'm coming. When they potentially get up an hour later, it's useful to know whether or not they're expecting me or you...trust me, I've learnt that the hard way!

I love it when you tell me I can help myself to whatever I want in the kitchen, if there's specific food you don't want me eating then just say that. Putting a tray of snacks out is very kind of you, but it makes me very aware that you will know how much I've eaten....putting that packet of crisps in the cupboard somehow makes me feel like I can eat what I want and not worry what you'll think. The likelihood is, I won't eat much anyway so don't panic that I'll eat all your food!

Speaking of food, if I'm babysitting before 7pm then chances are I may not have eaten, I don't expect you to provide me food, I can bring my own, but it's probably worth checking (although extra brownie points go to parents who do offer to leave me dinner!)

Money is a tricky subject because I have different rules for different people. Parents I know through work I would expect to be paid well because they know me from a work capacity. Church families I don't ever charge as much and don't mind doing it as a service if needed, but I don't like it when there's an expectation that I will do it for free. I love your children, and babysitting them (probably) isn't hard, but it does involve me blocking out an evening of my life and just £10 for the evening is a nice gesture, or a bunch of flowers or providing me with dinner...or an offer of payment, I'll turn you down if I know you can't afford it or feel it's a favour rather than a job.

Linked to money is timings. I know it's hard to always know when you'll be back but please tell me what you know. Don't say "we'll be back around 11" and then not turn up until gone midnight.

If you're asking me to stay later than 11pm then it's a late night for me and its worth checking that's ok. If its later than midnight then I would probably expect slightly more money, or an offer to stay overnight if I want.

Entertainment and comfort...it's good to tell me how the tv works, or warn me that you don't have one. It might not seem like a big deal to you, but it's probably how I'll spend my evening so if you don't have one then I'll bring my laptop. Also the wifi password is always a bonus! Telling me where the heating is also helps (or leave a blanket nearby!).

Communication is key. All of the above are small details really, don't feel bad if you forget. Being approachable is the main thing. That way if I need something I'll just ask. I'm also more likely to want to come back and babysit again.

It will also mean that I will tell you how your child has been and you can be reassured that everything was fine.

Each family is different and each babysitter is different, so please don't take my word as law...some people would prefer to go with the flow or don't expect to be paid for church family babysitting...but I feel like I know what I want/need and so am just saying it. Also, these days I don't have to babysit, I do it for a few extra pennies and for fun, so I have the luxury of picking and choosing families!

Ultimately I've been babysitting for 10 years now (my friend Eliza is going to finish school next year and I used to babysit her!) and I'm not about to stop!

I'm just hoping that sharing some of my thoughts might be helpful to you, either incase you hire me to babysit or if you hire someone else. Please don't take it as criticism, like I said, just my thoughts!

I love children and I love babysitting. Your child could throw spaghetti at me and I'd probably still come back (I like a challenge!), but if you come back at 1am and I'm sat cold, hungry and bored in your living room and then you say goodnight without even offering to pay me, then I'm much less likely to offer again!

Yours

The Eternal Babysitter

Some things change, some things don't

So...there's been a few things happening in my life recently and it got me thinking about how things can change...friendships, jobs, family...

And then I stumbled across a facebook note I did over 4 years ago where you had to list 25 'random facts' about yourself and it made me smile:

1. I love to drive
2. I don't really get the creation vs evolution debate and tend to feel really stupid when brought into a discussion about it
3. I don't really like the Simpsons
4. I couldn't have imagined how much I would love my course
5. I love that my brother and I are friends as well as siblings
6. My favourite film is 'A Walk to Remember' the main girl is so much like me in the way she is tentative about relationships and the main guy is so honest and lovely...watch it!
7. I am most definitely, without a doubt, addicted to Facebook
8. I've recently rediscovered the computer game Zoombinis
9. I pretty much live in jeans
10. I love the States, if I ever had to live in a different country I would live there
11. It wasn't until I was 16 and in 6th form that I truly felt comfortable about who I am
12. My biggest dream in life is to have a family
13. I love musicals (and yes I count High School Musical in that!)
14. I vividly remember pushing my childhood friend off her space-hopper and then realising I was being watched and so skipping away with a smile on my face...I was 5 and I think it was caught on tape
15. My favourite restaurant in the world is Frankie and Benny's
16. I love waking up and realising I have a couple of hours left to sleep
17. I used to have a re-occuring nightmare where I was chased up stairs by a blue robot and every time I got up a flight of stairs he would catch up so I would run up another...I must've run up about 500 flights of stairs a night
18. I would love to be able to fly
19. I think my parents are the most inspirational people on this earth
20. As a social worker I don't plan on changing the world, I plan on changing the lives of just a few people...that will be enough for me
21. I cry...ALOT! at films, at sad things, at tv shows, when I'm angry, when I'm stressed...all the time and very easily...sorry, I just do.
22. Without my friends I'd be very very lost
23. I love trashy soaps and tv shows
24. I hate it when people make me feel like my opinion is worth nothing
25. I love the awesome sense of timing that God has


Other than living in leggings rather than jeans, not working as a social worker anymore, and deciding that I should re-find Zoombinis...these things are still all true and they haven't changed at all!

I still don't always get the creation/evolution debate, I still love trashy soaps and tv shows and musicals, I still cry easily and have the same favourite restaurant.

Most of all, I still love the awesome sense of timing that God has :)

Near miss...

I knew this would happen...and yet that didn't change my reaction.

This morning on the way to work, I almost got hit by another car...a near miss.

A bin truck coming towards me decided to overtake a cyclist on a corner and didn't seem to care that this brought him onto my side of the road as I was coming round the corner.

I slowed and we didn't crash, but flip me it was close!

To make things worse it was on my commute road...again!

God is very good though, my lovely friend and colleague Emma was with me and that allowed me to pull over pretty promptly afterwards and she drove us the rest of the way.

She has also recently crashed so understood my reaction and was brilliant :)

As soon as I stopped driving I fell apart...I could feel it coming...shaking hands, tears, flashbacks...it was all there, and it wasn't fun.

All I could see was my car flipping, my back hurting, and darkness. It terrified me,

Once we got to work my boss sent me into her office to have some space (because she's awesome too, just like Emma) and they handled the children whilst I fell apart some more, and began to piece myself back together.

I spoke to important people who love me and were able to understand and calm me down.

I got given hugs by my other colleagues when they arrived and heard what had happened.

I ate toast and drank tea and walked round the field several times.

I took a deep breath and I got on with my day.

I survived. Both back then and today.

God is good, he blessed me in many ways today, and I am so thankful that my first 'near miss' since the crash actually could've been way worse!

Home

I've had about 5 attempts at writing this blog post...just undecided about what to write...in the end I've decided to write about my home.

I listened to a conversation between Mum and a friend today about what 'home' means, that its more than just the building but the people. It made me appreciate my 'home' and my family :)

Home is the building where I feel secure and have my favourite things around me.
Home is having PJ & Hannah back for the weekend or a few days and laughing with them over small things.
Home is evening talks with my mummy about life.
Home is noticing the emptiness in our house with my dad away for work.
Home is someone taking the time to make you feel loved and safe.

This song is from a few films (I saw it in My Sister's Keeper yesterday) and it feels appropriate :)
Not sure the link works very well but I love it :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am7EI5tdaX4

Patience

Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay...or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties.

Patience is the level of endurance one can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.

Patience...an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”
― Aristotle

“A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

“Patience is power.
Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is "timing" it waits on the right time to act,
for the right principles and in the right way.”
― Fulton J. Sheen

“Patience is a virtue,
Virtue is a grace.
Grace is a little girl
Who would not wash her face.”
― Dick King-Smith





Patience is trusting God's timing and not trying to push my own plan.
Patience is waiting and using the time to learn more from God.
Patience is seeing the sunshine today and believing that winter will be over soon and the summer isn't far away.

drastic times call for drastic measures

Recently I have been busy...tired, and busy...
It's been a gradual change so I almost haven't noticed it but for the last few months I've been out almost every night a week, busy every weekend and going to bed later and later.
And it's starting to take its toll on me.

A few of my nearest and dearest have pointed out that I'm too busy, my boss has commented on my low energy levels (not in a negative way, but more out of concern), and many areas of my life have taken the hit because of it.

So I've come up with a plan...a two month plan. Two months seems like a good time, starting from 1st April, because its a good length of time and because that'll take me until the next half term holiday. I'm pretty much going to shut myself off from the world for 2 months and take some time to recharge.

My plan includes:
- virtually no socialising, a maximum of one outing a week...house group, church, anything that improves my relationship with God is fine though. This will hopefully mean that I rest rather than go out, that I save money and eat better, and that I continue to recover. There are some social things I can't/won't avoid...weddings, time with family friends...but definitely no more than one a week.

- attempt to make #bedby10pm. This will be difficult because I struggle to sleep that early but next term I'll be working from 8am which is earlier than now, so I need more sleep and it'll help with my general energy levels

It also includes a few things about exercise and money saving...it'll all help me refocus and get things back on track.

So basically I apologise to all my friends who I'm probably not going to see for a few months, I ask that you support me and keep me accountable :) hopefully it'll help me adjust and improve life for me and those around me!

Timings

I've been thinking a lot recently about timing...about the difference between my timing and God's timing.

One of my favourite verses is '..."For i know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future"...' Jeremiah 29:11

I hardly ever doubt that God has a plan for me...I might not always see the plan happening, I might question whether or not I like it...but I do trust that it exists.
God's timing of the plan is something I constantly question...

I worry about my career and if I'm in the right job at the right time or if I should be doing something else, and getting mad when God doesn't provide me with a neon light.
I am forever yelling at God asking why he hasn't brought my husband to me yet...and why I have to wait for children.
And then when he does give me a neon light (or a very clear promise) I ask why he isn't giving it to me now and what I'm meant to do with the neon sign.

But actually God is never late. He hasn't misjudged the timing of anything. He knows exactly the moment that I'm meant to fall in love, and the age at which I'll have children...He knows what job I'll be in at all those points. And I will probably only ever get to see it in hindsight.

God has great timing. If something isn't meant to happen now, then that's because it isn't the right time. Not that it'll never happen, or that I should try and force it to happen now.
God has led me this far and I'm the happiest I've ever been, so i really don't know why I question it!

I'm aware this is a massively vague post, I have a few specific situations in mind but my thoughts are 'oh so this could be God's plan all along but I have to wait and see...' and then on the other hand it could not be God's plan at all! So there's no point writing about specifics or even wasting energy wondering about them. Instead I need to focus on God and let him guide me through the plan :)

In other news:
In the last month I've been to London, Paris and Cambridge. I've decided to focus on teaching and early years stuff as a job. I've seen more of my friends. I've started having physio, doing Pilates and trying to jog!

I'm happy and God is good :)

Reflections on 2012

So I'm away at Retreat to Advance at the moment and really enjoying having some space and time away with God and friends.

Last night the speaker talked about 2012 being an amazing year for Britain...and then there was a prayer call later for people who had heard him say that and thought that actually 2012 hadn't been a good year.
I didn't go forward for prayer but I thought about it...overall I don't view last year as awful but it did contain some of the worst times of my life.

Over the summer I had a time where my ministry was questioned and changed, it was a very tricky time and I struggled. I've had times of overcoming the past hurts and trying to heal. I had my car accident which is still sending ripple effects through my life. And I lost my beautiful godsister, I know she's dancing with God now but the sadness was, and is, massive.

I really pray that 2013 is a better year, but actually through this past year my relationship with God has grown, my ability to trust in Him, and hand over control, has grown.
I've resolved some questions about my future and healed a lot of wounds from my past.
Would I have chosen to have the bad experiences? Absolutely not. But am I thankful for the blessings that God has brought out of it all? Definitely.

So as I look forward to 2013 I pray for several things: that I could achieve my personal goals (financially, health and diet, career etc), that I might find love, that my confidence in my abilities and gifts would grow whilst remaining humble...and that I would trust God and see the rainbow beyond the rain.

"we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9