Development or Procrastination?

Today I'm sat in the library again (in my favourite spot- YES!), and I've been thinking about this blog. I love writing my blog but I'm not sure I'm always happy with the content.


When I first started the blog in February 2007 (almost 8 years ago) I was a moody, irrational teenager who mostly used my blog to vent about how soooo totally unfair my parents were, and how I hated school, and like completely like could not handle my life because it was so like horrible.
I genuinely cringe when I go back and read some of those posts!


Then I went to university and my blog became something deeper, a place to write about and deal with genuinely challenging problems- panic attacks, negative placements and dealing with people I love going through suffering. Even now, when I read back through my blogs at the beginning of university when I was having panic attacks in halls, I can still feel that emotion inside of me.


Post-university I wasn't always very good at writing in my blog- for about a year or so I barely posted anything. I think partly because I got better at processing my issues away from the internet, and because I had more quality friendships that allowed me to do that.


But whenever big events have happened (car crash, PJ & Hannah's wedding, GodZone changing) I have always come back here to write about it...because I enjoy writing.


I like creating something and discussing my thoughts on something, I enjoy finding the right words to express how I feel about something or my ideas on a subject.


However sometimes I'm not sure that my blog has a clear focus or direction- and I know that it's just a little blog and it's not like I have a million people reading it- but I want my blog to contribute something to someone sometimes.


So I'd like to come up with a plan of subjects to write about- my thoughts on them, what I've learnt from situations maybe...I'll still write posts about my life because I know that it's useful for some people who don't see me every day to have a way to keep up...but I also want to develop this into something more.


Of course, this could completely be seen as a procrastination tool since right now I should be doing some uni work instead of this (don't worry, I'll get onto it after this!). But instead I think it's a hobby, something that I get pleasure from, that can counteract the boring studying I have to do! Yet a hobby that I feel deserves a little more of my time and attention. I've talked recently about rebalancing my life, with university and travel feeling overwhelming, I needed to address my life and everything that I do and see what things I really want to keep and what things I can let go. Part of that process means stopping some things, part of it means investing in things that I enjoy and are important to me- and I think this blog is one of those things.


So what I need from you- please can you comment/message me with your thoughts on my blog...what do you like about it? What sort of things would you want to read if I wrote about it?
According to BlogSpot stats I can sometimes get between 30-50 page hits on my blog so I'd love as many people as possible to feedback please!


Much love xxx

Finding the positives...

I've had a few weeks of feeling like life isn't as good as I want it to be...I'm tired from commuting, university isn't super amazing fun, money is tight...all valid feelings and emotions.


However I've been prompted from a few different places (articles, blogs, Pinterest) that moaning about it doesn't actually help. In fact a friend recently offered to have coffee with me to chat it through and I declined because to talk about it more just felt like I was going to stir things up and that probably wasn't helpful.


Ultimately, as humans, we are selfish people and tend to focus on our own problems...and as British people we don't help this problem much since the social convention is to say 'how are you?' which just invites people to share their annoyances and to complain (British people love to complain!).
Don't get me wrong, I love that I have so many lovely friends who ask how I am and genuinely want to know if things are bad so that they can try to help- but sometimes I think this means that we focus too much on the negatives and not on the positives...and I am certainly the most guilty of this!


So I'm going to try and be more positive, to see the good things that are happening in my day and focus on those...because if I count up the positive, little things; then maybe the not-so-good bigger things won't seem so bad.
(I'm so aware that I'm going to fail at this many times because moaning and worrying are buried so deep into my nature! But I'm trying...)


For example it's only 9.15am and I have several good things to share today:
- I got to uni early and got my favourite spot in the library again...perfect view, temperature, good seat, not too close to lots of other people.
- I got a parking space! This is always a mini-victory when I get this because there's certainly no guarantee of getting one and before now I've missed out and been late to lectures because I'm scrambling for a place to park.
- This morning as I left home I got to see the sunrise...I never see the sunrise. It's too early for me! But today I was up because I had to be, and God blessed that obedience by painting the sky the most beautiful oranges, reds and yellows. It was truly beautiful.
- Tonight I have the evening off...no plans, I can stay in and wear my pyjamas, and just chill out.
- I currently have over 2 hours until my lecture which means I can get some work done and feel more confident going into the weekend.


There may be some annoyances in my life, some things that are less than ideal, but my life is definitely good. There's a beautiful song from the tv show Nashville called 'Life that's good' and the lyrics say:

Two arms around me, heaven to ground me,
and a family that always calls me home,

Four wheels to get there, enough love to share
and a sweet sweet sweet song

At the end of the day,
Lord I pray ,
I have a life that's good.

This is so true...I have God, and a family, and a home, and a car, and friends, and my health...my life is so good. Today I'm very thankful for that.

Much love xxx