hence why when i wanted to go iceskating i offered to take my 7 year old godsister...hehe she enjoyed it, as did beth and i! i love ice-skating! i dont even care that those stupid skates gave me a horrible blister on my foot!
i'm also loving the sunny days :) even if soon it'll be time for school again. i'm starting to make some real headway with my dissertation. got to do a summary of my results, a conclusion/evaluation, a bibliography thing and then i'm done!
i've actually been working really hard on it...i hope it shows in my result, but tbh i'm not sure it will, i havent exactly enjoyed it and dont know how well i'll have done.
it really hit me yesterday that i'm not at spring harvest. i was supposed to go for like the 4th year but it hasnt happened. the family taking me chose not to go in the end and i couldnt find another way to go. i think its affecting luke, nathan and nathan more though since they're there and apparently it feels really empty and weird without us. but since i'm at home and nothing has changed, it wasnt affecting me.
but yesterday i suddenly imagined the boys there, going to group and on the beach and stuff like that and it really hit me that i'm not there. it really sucks..i know thats not very descriptive but its the only way i can express how i'm feeling. i want to be there so badly.
and its looking more and more like i'm gonna be alone at new wine. well i'll have friends there but no-one to really share a tent with. kat and her friends are going but no offence to her, i really dont want to share a tent with her and her friends...i'd just be left out. and i could share with ashleigh and kym but after last year i know they just dont stop talking or moving and i dont want to share a tent with them.
it looks like hannah might not be able to go and she's my last hope. i'd have some people there to hang out with but none of my close girl mates and i'm getting more and more worried about going because i think i'll just end up on my own. i dunno if there's a reason for it or if god will work something out, but i'm praying really hard about it at the moment.
anyway thats my post for today, i ought to go do some dissertation work and get it out the way!
much love xxxxx
Thursday, 12 April 2007
Saturday, 7 April 2007
weird
isnt it weird how tiredness can overtake your whole body and get to a point where it feels like you're outside of your own mind and watching yourself go about life. and how despite being so tired from last night's space sleepover, i am still up at 10.45 because my neck is stiff from sleeping funny last night and i'm waiting for painkillers to kick in.
anyway, the space sleepover last night was amazing.
i had a good cry to anna about some stuff...i think i'd got to a point where every time i got excited about my gap year, something small would make me question it. and as much as i trust that its where god wants me, i wish it wasnt so hard. i mean i know it has to be testing coz otherwise i wouldnt learn anything from it, but why is it this difficult and i havent even started.
as i was crying i had kinda a realisation that in the midst of questioning god, i wasnt trusting him with my questions. that might not make sense, but i think that even when you are having trouble with god you should still be really honest with him. so i was. i cried and talked to god and i felt his arms go around me and just let me know he was there. i still am finding it hard to trust him with next year, but at least this way i'm talking to him while i work through it!
another part of the evening that got me thinking was when we talked about jesus' crucifixion (cant spell it). i find it so easy to gloss over what jesus did for us, even though we get reminded every year. i forget that he was beaten and humiliated before he even had to go on the cross. he was tired, in pain and broken and yet he still made the ultimate sacrifice for me.
obviously he made it for everyone, but its knowing that even if it was just me he would still have done it.
on a brighter note, i'm like a little child about the fact that we get easter eggs tomorrow. having thought deeply about the true meaning of easter i think i'm allowed to be excited over chocolate!!
and also today anna, beth and hannah came over and we planned out our holiday, we're going to book it in the next week hopefully...tis very exciting.
i'm also going to do some more dissertation work tomorrow, which i hate but have to do. the holidays are like half over and it feels like no time at all! soon exams will be here which is starting to scare me.
as much as i'm looking forward to going to america afterwards, i have a long way to go before i can feel free.
anyway i'm going to go to bed now, after writing another one of my poorly-constructed, completely-nonsense-filled, highly-amusing blogs :)
much love xxxxx
anyway, the space sleepover last night was amazing.
i had a good cry to anna about some stuff...i think i'd got to a point where every time i got excited about my gap year, something small would make me question it. and as much as i trust that its where god wants me, i wish it wasnt so hard. i mean i know it has to be testing coz otherwise i wouldnt learn anything from it, but why is it this difficult and i havent even started.
as i was crying i had kinda a realisation that in the midst of questioning god, i wasnt trusting him with my questions. that might not make sense, but i think that even when you are having trouble with god you should still be really honest with him. so i was. i cried and talked to god and i felt his arms go around me and just let me know he was there. i still am finding it hard to trust him with next year, but at least this way i'm talking to him while i work through it!
another part of the evening that got me thinking was when we talked about jesus' crucifixion (cant spell it). i find it so easy to gloss over what jesus did for us, even though we get reminded every year. i forget that he was beaten and humiliated before he even had to go on the cross. he was tired, in pain and broken and yet he still made the ultimate sacrifice for me.
obviously he made it for everyone, but its knowing that even if it was just me he would still have done it.
on a brighter note, i'm like a little child about the fact that we get easter eggs tomorrow. having thought deeply about the true meaning of easter i think i'm allowed to be excited over chocolate!!
and also today anna, beth and hannah came over and we planned out our holiday, we're going to book it in the next week hopefully...tis very exciting.
i'm also going to do some more dissertation work tomorrow, which i hate but have to do. the holidays are like half over and it feels like no time at all! soon exams will be here which is starting to scare me.
as much as i'm looking forward to going to america afterwards, i have a long way to go before i can feel free.
anyway i'm going to go to bed now, after writing another one of my poorly-constructed, completely-nonsense-filled, highly-amusing blogs :)
much love xxxxx
Thursday, 5 April 2007
and the murderer was...
PJ!!!!
lol we'd suspected for years but last night we found out he really had killed someone!
in the murder mystery...of course! PJ's character was an American soldier who killed Herr Bevore because he was going to tell people he was PJ's father!
it was such a funny evening :) lots of slutty costumes, some man-o-man loving and lots of sexual innuendo!
oh and of course lots of talk about gareth's rather large sausage and how it was kept up david's back passage (at his restaurant...get your mind out of the gutter!)
but yeah was alot of fun and giggles :)
we're all dead when andy and emma see the pictures though! here's a group shot just to give you a taster!
much love xxxxxxxxxxx
lol we'd suspected for years but last night we found out he really had killed someone!
in the murder mystery...of course! PJ's character was an American soldier who killed Herr Bevore because he was going to tell people he was PJ's father!
it was such a funny evening :) lots of slutty costumes, some man-o-man loving and lots of sexual innuendo!
oh and of course lots of talk about gareth's rather large sausage and how it was kept up david's back passage (at his restaurant...get your mind out of the gutter!)
but yeah was alot of fun and giggles :)
we're all dead when andy and emma see the pictures though! here's a group shot just to give you a taster!
much love xxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday, 4 April 2007
opening lines quiz
i'm up early, reading other people's blogs and have stolen this from ben jeapes :)
The great opening lines quiz. You can even make up your own. Get your iPod (or whatever; in my case, Windows Media Player), set it to shuffle and note down the opening lines of an arbitrary number of tracks. In this case, 20. Exclude the ones that are too obvious (i.e. have the name of the track in the first line) and, well duh, the instrumentals. And don't be afraid to admit that some of these tracks, okay, you're a little embarrassed to have them in downloaded, easily erasable form.
And no sneaky Googling answers, right?
but to make it harder/easier all these opening lyrics are from Relient K!!
1. so it was jeremy in 1983/in his ocean pacific t/who got a bloody knee
2. I watched the proverbial sunrise/Coming up over the Pacific
3. Yesterday/Is not quite what it could've been
4. When I made up my mind/And my heart along with that
5. People make mistakes/we find that everything breaks
6. We should get jerseys cause we make a good team
7. I’ve given up on giving up slowly/ I’m blending in so You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
8. Should I start this song off with a question?
9. It's been a year/Filled with problems/But now you're here/Almost as if to solve them
10. When he was seeing her/You could see he had his doubts
11. what's up dude/i'm getting kinda bored
12. All the girls in the bathroom talking
13. I was just about/to quote Mark Twain/when I realized that/it's all in vain
14. So here I sit looking at the traffic lights/The red extinguishes the hope that the green ignites
15. So I've made up my mind/I will pretend/To leave this world behind
16. arg wu sentafinticate nar dunderford
17. Fear can drive stick/And it's taking me down this road/A road down which/I swore I'd never go
18. we all know the girls that i am talking about/well they are time bombs and they are ticking
19. well I've never been to Greenland/and I've never been to Denver/and I've never buried treasure in ST Louie or ST Paul
20. can smell the death on the sheets/Covering me/I can't believe this is the end
well that should be fun for you all...i'm off to have a shower!
toodles xxxxxxx
The great opening lines quiz. You can even make up your own. Get your iPod (or whatever; in my case, Windows Media Player), set it to shuffle and note down the opening lines of an arbitrary number of tracks. In this case, 20. Exclude the ones that are too obvious (i.e. have the name of the track in the first line) and, well duh, the instrumentals. And don't be afraid to admit that some of these tracks, okay, you're a little embarrassed to have them in downloaded, easily erasable form.
And no sneaky Googling answers, right?
but to make it harder/easier all these opening lyrics are from Relient K!!
1. so it was jeremy in 1983/in his ocean pacific t/who got a bloody knee
2. I watched the proverbial sunrise/Coming up over the Pacific
3. Yesterday/Is not quite what it could've been
4. When I made up my mind/And my heart along with that
5. People make mistakes/we find that everything breaks
6. We should get jerseys cause we make a good team
7. I’ve given up on giving up slowly/ I’m blending in so You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
8. Should I start this song off with a question?
9. It's been a year/Filled with problems/But now you're here/Almost as if to solve them
10. When he was seeing her/You could see he had his doubts
11. what's up dude/i'm getting kinda bored
12. All the girls in the bathroom talking
13. I was just about/to quote Mark Twain/when I realized that/it's all in vain
14. So here I sit looking at the traffic lights/The red extinguishes the hope that the green ignites
15. So I've made up my mind/I will pretend/To leave this world behind
16. arg wu sentafinticate nar dunderford
17. Fear can drive stick/And it's taking me down this road/A road down which/I swore I'd never go
18. we all know the girls that i am talking about/well they are time bombs and they are ticking
19. well I've never been to Greenland/and I've never been to Denver/and I've never buried treasure in ST Louie or ST Paul
20. can smell the death on the sheets/Covering me/I can't believe this is the end
well that should be fun for you all...i'm off to have a shower!
toodles xxxxxxx
Tuesday, 3 April 2007
oh..my..gosh...he's...back!
chad michael murray!!!
is back!!!
on sunday.....i cant contain myself!!!
hehe my favourite tv show 'one tree hill' is back for the latest series on sunday!!!
he's so hot!!! and the show is amazing and i love it and i'm all excited!!!!
anyway thats it for today, am also very excited about murder mystery tomorrow :D
much love xxxxxx
is back!!!
on sunday.....i cant contain myself!!!
hehe my favourite tv show 'one tree hill' is back for the latest series on sunday!!!
he's so hot!!! and the show is amazing and i love it and i'm all excited!!!!
anyway thats it for today, am also very excited about murder mystery tomorrow :D
much love xxxxxx
Monday, 2 April 2007
is it coz i'm cooooooooooool?
got that song in my head!
hehe :)
its my mum's birthday tomorrow, should be a nice family day.
and then on wednesday its the murder mystery!!
today i went out with anna for a bit of a drive, she's a very good driver :) hehehehe then a bird pooed on her windscreen...there was a split second silence then both of us went 'eeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww' and then laughed hysterically for about 10 minutes straight, especially when anna couldnt work the washer and ended up switching on the wipers and smearing it all across the screen! was soooo funny!!!
i also made up with kate. we had a really long talk about it all and both admitted we'd been wrong in some places and both apologised and both got all our worries and problems out. it was nice, we really talked it through and got to the bottom of why we were both mad. then spent the rest of the evening txting about tv shows, boys and why we hate lukewarm baths! i really missed her the last couple of days.
anyway i'm off to bed, am so tired! have you ever just found yourself realising how much you actually look forward to going to bed at night? i find myself doing it all the time!
much love xxxxxxxx
p.s. the boy txt me again tonight. about how much he wishes i was going next week (to spring harvest). i know we're just friends and i'm happy with that. but he txts me or i see him and all the things i found attractive about him come rushing back and i go 'aw damn it i want him!'
i know i dont, but its that rush of emotions and alot of hormones lol.
never mind, in 18 months i'll be at uni and will meet loads of guys! woo!!
hehe :)
its my mum's birthday tomorrow, should be a nice family day.
and then on wednesday its the murder mystery!!
today i went out with anna for a bit of a drive, she's a very good driver :) hehehehe then a bird pooed on her windscreen...there was a split second silence then both of us went 'eeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww' and then laughed hysterically for about 10 minutes straight, especially when anna couldnt work the washer and ended up switching on the wipers and smearing it all across the screen! was soooo funny!!!
i also made up with kate. we had a really long talk about it all and both admitted we'd been wrong in some places and both apologised and both got all our worries and problems out. it was nice, we really talked it through and got to the bottom of why we were both mad. then spent the rest of the evening txting about tv shows, boys and why we hate lukewarm baths! i really missed her the last couple of days.
anyway i'm off to bed, am so tired! have you ever just found yourself realising how much you actually look forward to going to bed at night? i find myself doing it all the time!
much love xxxxxxxx
p.s. the boy txt me again tonight. about how much he wishes i was going next week (to spring harvest). i know we're just friends and i'm happy with that. but he txts me or i see him and all the things i found attractive about him come rushing back and i go 'aw damn it i want him!'
i know i dont, but its that rush of emotions and alot of hormones lol.
never mind, in 18 months i'll be at uni and will meet loads of guys! woo!!
Sunday, 1 April 2007
and all that jazz
its sunday
cd player being installed today :) coz my cousin and his fiancee are visiting...will be nice to see them.
cant believe we're only 2 days into the holidays...its brilliant! gotta go the relaxing time.
i mean i have alot of dissertation work to do but aside from that its all fun and chilling!
my costume for the murder mystery is currently being tweaked and finished off by my amazing nanny who is helping me get it all together!
i'm a sexy french maid/waitress. should be wicked! xxx
cd player being installed today :) coz my cousin and his fiancee are visiting...will be nice to see them.
cant believe we're only 2 days into the holidays...its brilliant! gotta go the relaxing time.
i mean i have alot of dissertation work to do but aside from that its all fun and chilling!
my costume for the murder mystery is currently being tweaked and finished off by my amazing nanny who is helping me get it all together!
i'm a sexy french maid/waitress. should be wicked! xxx
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