So yesterday I got the writing bug...that feeling like I want to sit down and do some work, so I jumped on that feeling and went to work on my dissertation.
Unfortunately as I started work my head went a bit crazy and was jumping all over the place with all the different jobs I need to do. So I wrote out my plan for the next 3 weeks...which is when I realised that I only have 3 weeks to finish my dissertation!
Plus my skeleton portfolio is due in at the same time...
Which lead me to the next feeling- I got 'The Fear'
'The Fear' is that constant nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you have dissertation work to do. It is there regardless of what you're doing. You can feel it in your stomach, in your chest, all over your body infact. It is both positive and negative. It is motivating and terrifying. In order to do your dissertation it is important to have 'The Fear' but it is also not a fun feeling at all.
'The Fear' has hit me full force and I have realised how little time I have left to write my dissertation. Plus I've been busy so I'm tired, and I'm still going to be busy and am on placement and I still want to enjoy the last bit of university...it's a little overwhelming.
It also makes me really unmotivated to go to placement, because as much as I'm enjoying placement, I'd much rather sleep and do dissertation work. It just really limits my flexibility and my time.
I think I just need to sit down and work out my week- I feel much more in control when I've done that which always makes me calmer...I am such a control freak sometimes!
Much love xxx
Sunday, 27 February 2011
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
Sick
Last summer, around July, I got my new academic diary and I made a prediction...that in the 4th or 5th week of this semester I would get ill.
And low and behold it's week 4 of semester and I have a cold!
Nothing horrible or anything, just a blocked nose and a sore throat, sneezing etc.
It was easy to predict, I know my body, when I get tired and busy it reacts with a cold.
I've been back doing placement almost full-time for 6 weeks now, it's missions week for CU which means events every evening...plus I've also just been busy socially anyway- so I got tired and now I have a cold.
Fortunately my placement is flexible and I've been able to do some work from home which means less driving and a comfy sofa to rest on.
The fact that it's missions week and there are events every night, and I've got lots of social things coming up, and I have my dissertation and skeleton portfolio due in soon, are things that can't be helped unfortunately!
So I'll just keep taking medicine, resting when I can, and hope it goes away quickly!
Other than that, life is pretty good- ticking along nicely :)
Much love xxx
And low and behold it's week 4 of semester and I have a cold!
Nothing horrible or anything, just a blocked nose and a sore throat, sneezing etc.
It was easy to predict, I know my body, when I get tired and busy it reacts with a cold.
I've been back doing placement almost full-time for 6 weeks now, it's missions week for CU which means events every evening...plus I've also just been busy socially anyway- so I got tired and now I have a cold.
Fortunately my placement is flexible and I've been able to do some work from home which means less driving and a comfy sofa to rest on.
The fact that it's missions week and there are events every night, and I've got lots of social things coming up, and I have my dissertation and skeleton portfolio due in soon, are things that can't be helped unfortunately!
So I'll just keep taking medicine, resting when I can, and hope it goes away quickly!
Other than that, life is pretty good- ticking along nicely :)
Much love xxx
Saturday, 5 February 2011
Perhaps I can have both
So I'm back on placement after my week of lectures and it's going well.
In terms of results, I got an A and a B+ which I'm so chuffed about :D I also got a resit because I missed the point of the coursework part of one module...fortunately it was an extra module anyway so won't affect my overall degree- although I probably will resubmit the assignment anyway.
This week on placement has been good, I'm struggling to motivate myself to go though- it's a good placement and once I'm more comfortable and feel like I know what I'm doing it'll be fine but it's disheartening to know that I'm only 8 days into the 100 days and I feel like I should be further through.
But praise God that it's a good supportive placement and I'm surrounded by good people and I'm enjoying the work- am trying to keep focussed on those truths that are from God, rather than the lies that are sometimes put in my head!
The other part I was struggling with was that I felt as though I'd had my time to be a student and now I had to crack on with placement and I was going to lose the social aspect. But actually I had a great time at BASC, I had a good weekend away with the CU exec, tonight I went for dinner with one of my closest friends (date night!) and I've got plans this weekend to see more friends and visit PJ & Hannah.
It's starting to dawn on me that I can do both- I can work hard on placement, do my dissertation and still see my friends. Obviously I have to give myself time to rest and placement comes before social life- but so far I'm doing ok and enjoying life still.
Plus it's starting to dawn on me that in 4 and a half months I'll be done! that's no time at all, so I might as well enjoy it now before things change.
And although I know my life will still be good, I'll still work full time (like on placement but paid), I'll still see my friends and family, I'll still do Godzone and New Wine and holiday club and all the things I do now...but I won't have CU, not in the way I have it now. I won't have all the same friends in the same ways which scares me.
I'm also very aware of the fact that I'm still single...somehow in my head I knew that graduating was the next milestone and I figured that getting married would be the one after that, and that's not even in view at the moment. I'm trying to remember that God is enough and that He has the right man picked out for me, but that's hard when you get a bit lonely and want that companion in your life. Wanting to be married and have children is the core of who I am and I know I'm young but that's all I want and sometimes it's hard when you can't see that happening any time soon.
Anyway, enough with the melo-dramatic stream of thoughts from my head!
Praise God that I have a good placement, a good life, and good friends and family to share it with :)
Much love xxx
In terms of results, I got an A and a B+ which I'm so chuffed about :D I also got a resit because I missed the point of the coursework part of one module...fortunately it was an extra module anyway so won't affect my overall degree- although I probably will resubmit the assignment anyway.
This week on placement has been good, I'm struggling to motivate myself to go though- it's a good placement and once I'm more comfortable and feel like I know what I'm doing it'll be fine but it's disheartening to know that I'm only 8 days into the 100 days and I feel like I should be further through.
But praise God that it's a good supportive placement and I'm surrounded by good people and I'm enjoying the work- am trying to keep focussed on those truths that are from God, rather than the lies that are sometimes put in my head!
The other part I was struggling with was that I felt as though I'd had my time to be a student and now I had to crack on with placement and I was going to lose the social aspect. But actually I had a great time at BASC, I had a good weekend away with the CU exec, tonight I went for dinner with one of my closest friends (date night!) and I've got plans this weekend to see more friends and visit PJ & Hannah.
It's starting to dawn on me that I can do both- I can work hard on placement, do my dissertation and still see my friends. Obviously I have to give myself time to rest and placement comes before social life- but so far I'm doing ok and enjoying life still.
Plus it's starting to dawn on me that in 4 and a half months I'll be done! that's no time at all, so I might as well enjoy it now before things change.
And although I know my life will still be good, I'll still work full time (like on placement but paid), I'll still see my friends and family, I'll still do Godzone and New Wine and holiday club and all the things I do now...but I won't have CU, not in the way I have it now. I won't have all the same friends in the same ways which scares me.
I'm also very aware of the fact that I'm still single...somehow in my head I knew that graduating was the next milestone and I figured that getting married would be the one after that, and that's not even in view at the moment. I'm trying to remember that God is enough and that He has the right man picked out for me, but that's hard when you get a bit lonely and want that companion in your life. Wanting to be married and have children is the core of who I am and I know I'm young but that's all I want and sometimes it's hard when you can't see that happening any time soon.
Anyway, enough with the melo-dramatic stream of thoughts from my head!
Praise God that I have a good placement, a good life, and good friends and family to share it with :)
Much love xxx
Sunday, 23 January 2011
BASC 2011
BASC stands for Brookes Annual Student Conference...it's the St Ebbes annual student week away, Wednesday-Sunday at the same place we use for the CU weekend away.
Unfortunately because of being back on placement I only went over on the Friday.
(New placement is very good so far by the way, more later...)
Car full of girl friends, glee soundtrack, some cupcakes, and a medium-sized drive later we arrived at BASC!
It was a weekend full of good food, a barn dance, jam sesh, great talks, quiet times, worship and multiple moments of pure joy with my friends.
This weekend taught me alot of things but here are the main things I learnt:
- God wants me to work for His glory. Sometimes we need to work harder, sometimes we need to work less...and as I sat in the dining room stressing about my work I wondered if perhaps I was becoming too consumed by it. I didn't take part in the wide game on saturday afternoon because I had work to do. I wandered out during my break to check on my team (we lost!) but quickly got back to work. And whilst it was productive and necessary, it also meant I opened myself up to the stress that I can get myself into sometimes. Cups of tea, a few tears and lots of encouraging words from friends meant that I was able to get out of it, but it challenged me to maybe think about not letting it consume me.
- God desires me to be a godly woman. We had a girls only seminar which was great :) and I was challenged about how we relate with other girls. Often we give compliments on their clothes or hair but it's a reflex rather than a genuine thought, sometimes a genuine observation about their character would be better...more 'I really appreciate that I can talk to you about this' rather than 'I love that top, where did you get it?'
And that it's sometimes important to challenge and rebuke our sisters, not in a mean-spirited or judgemental way but if they are more focussed on make-up than quiet times, or conducting themselves inappropriately around boys, or gossiping about others...then perhaps a gentle challenge is appropriate. I know I'd want my friends to be honest if they thought I wasn't acting in a godly way. Equally if I think something about a friend I should challenge them directly rather than talking to others about it because I don't want to hurt them by being honest.
- God has blessed me with great friends. Sometimes I have these moments when I catch myself in the middle of something and wish I could capture it on film. The sort of clip that would be put into a montage in a chick-flick. The moment that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Moments where we're all sat around singing along to 'Your Song' whilst the boys on guitars try and get the chords right. Moments when you're sat at dinner and everyone is trying to balance a spoon on their nose. Moments when you're at a barn dance suddenly it's more about who can dance the silliest rather than who looks the coolest. Moments when my best friend who hasn't been in Oxford for the last term rests her head on my shoulder and I realise how much I've missed her.
It's results day tomorrow but I'm actually pretty calm about it- I've been so distracted by new placement which is going well, and BASC that I haven't had a chance to think about it!
Will blog once I get them and about new placement tomorrow
But for now it's definitely time for some sleep!
Much love xxx
Unfortunately because of being back on placement I only went over on the Friday.
(New placement is very good so far by the way, more later...)
Car full of girl friends, glee soundtrack, some cupcakes, and a medium-sized drive later we arrived at BASC!
It was a weekend full of good food, a barn dance, jam sesh, great talks, quiet times, worship and multiple moments of pure joy with my friends.
This weekend taught me alot of things but here are the main things I learnt:
- God wants me to work for His glory. Sometimes we need to work harder, sometimes we need to work less...and as I sat in the dining room stressing about my work I wondered if perhaps I was becoming too consumed by it. I didn't take part in the wide game on saturday afternoon because I had work to do. I wandered out during my break to check on my team (we lost!) but quickly got back to work. And whilst it was productive and necessary, it also meant I opened myself up to the stress that I can get myself into sometimes. Cups of tea, a few tears and lots of encouraging words from friends meant that I was able to get out of it, but it challenged me to maybe think about not letting it consume me.
- God desires me to be a godly woman. We had a girls only seminar which was great :) and I was challenged about how we relate with other girls. Often we give compliments on their clothes or hair but it's a reflex rather than a genuine thought, sometimes a genuine observation about their character would be better...more 'I really appreciate that I can talk to you about this' rather than 'I love that top, where did you get it?'
And that it's sometimes important to challenge and rebuke our sisters, not in a mean-spirited or judgemental way but if they are more focussed on make-up than quiet times, or conducting themselves inappropriately around boys, or gossiping about others...then perhaps a gentle challenge is appropriate. I know I'd want my friends to be honest if they thought I wasn't acting in a godly way. Equally if I think something about a friend I should challenge them directly rather than talking to others about it because I don't want to hurt them by being honest.
- God has blessed me with great friends. Sometimes I have these moments when I catch myself in the middle of something and wish I could capture it on film. The sort of clip that would be put into a montage in a chick-flick. The moment that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Moments where we're all sat around singing along to 'Your Song' whilst the boys on guitars try and get the chords right. Moments when you're sat at dinner and everyone is trying to balance a spoon on their nose. Moments when you're at a barn dance suddenly it's more about who can dance the silliest rather than who looks the coolest. Moments when my best friend who hasn't been in Oxford for the last term rests her head on my shoulder and I realise how much I've missed her.
It's results day tomorrow but I'm actually pretty calm about it- I've been so distracted by new placement which is going well, and BASC that I haven't had a chance to think about it!
Will blog once I get them and about new placement tomorrow
But for now it's definitely time for some sleep!
Much love xxx
Wednesday, 12 January 2011
Breakthrough!
Two days ago I had a breakthrough with my dissertation!
We technically started the module in September but were supposed to be thinking about it/starting it from last April.
I did this...I thought about it, I created a research question...
and then scrapped that question....thought about it some more...created a new subject...
and then scrapped that....thought about it some more....came up with a new area of interest...actually started doing some research, gathered some journals...thought about it some more...forced myself to go to the library on Monday where I actually read the journals and actually worked out how on earth to start my dissertation!
And I had a lightbulb moment! DING! In my head it suddenly all clicked into place...Mum said it was like trying to put a puzzle together but with no idea what the picture is and suddenly someone hands you the box and it all makes sense!
So Monday and yesterday I actually started my dissertation! Still got a long way to go but at least I now know what to do :) I've written over 1000 words which is a tenth of what I need but I've also done alot of the literature gathering which is most of the work!
I start placement next week so I'm glad I managed to get my head around it and get a load of work done before I lose all my time to placement.
I haven't done as much today but I've done a bit, and I've got a friend coming round on Friday- she came round yesterday too with her dissertation and we just both sat and worked. It was good because we were accountable to each other and couldn't just get distracted by other things.
Anyway I should go finish off the bit I'm doing today before lunchtime :)
Much love xxx
We technically started the module in September but were supposed to be thinking about it/starting it from last April.
I did this...I thought about it, I created a research question...
and then scrapped that question....thought about it some more...created a new subject...
and then scrapped that....thought about it some more....came up with a new area of interest...actually started doing some research, gathered some journals...thought about it some more...forced myself to go to the library on Monday where I actually read the journals and actually worked out how on earth to start my dissertation!
And I had a lightbulb moment! DING! In my head it suddenly all clicked into place...Mum said it was like trying to put a puzzle together but with no idea what the picture is and suddenly someone hands you the box and it all makes sense!
So Monday and yesterday I actually started my dissertation! Still got a long way to go but at least I now know what to do :) I've written over 1000 words which is a tenth of what I need but I've also done alot of the literature gathering which is most of the work!
I start placement next week so I'm glad I managed to get my head around it and get a load of work done before I lose all my time to placement.
I haven't done as much today but I've done a bit, and I've got a friend coming round on Friday- she came round yesterday too with her dissertation and we just both sat and worked. It was good because we were accountable to each other and couldn't just get distracted by other things.
Anyway I should go finish off the bit I'm doing today before lunchtime :)
Much love xxx
Saturday, 1 January 2011
2011: Bring it on!
It's officially 2011- Happy New Year to all!
Last year was actually a pretty good year overall, there were some ups & downs but thinking back about it I see it as a good year :)
January wasn't great as a start to the year with Dad having his neck surgery, February saw a bit of illness and the start of uni work getting more stressful, March was when we took over as the new CU exec and I was anticipating what it would be like.
April was a good month, I booked my holidays and got a new car and finished placement! May was packed full of seeing friends before they went home for the summer.
June involved my epic trip to America which I loved! It was also the month that our housing situation changed, I got my original third year placement, and realised that I can live away from home without my world ending.
July was meant to be a few free weeks but I packed it full of fun things with friends. August included New Wine and Holiday Club which were both God-filled and brilliant.
September was Disneyland and my birthday and freshers week and start of placement! October was the weekend away and leaving placement. November was my month of being a 'normal' student, not dealing with placement but just hanging out with my friends and getting my academic work done.
December included assignments, parties, carol services, Christmas and New Years Eve Murder Mystery.
So what does 2011 hold for me?
- New placement starts on 17th January
- Results on 24th Jan
- Exec weekend away 28th Jan
- Dissertation due in end of March
- Finish placement in June
- New Wine, Holiday Club and possibly Momentum in August
- Birthday and GRADUATION in the same week in September
- Get a job at some point
- Move out! (and get a kitten!)
The biggest are Placement, Graduation, Job and Move Out.
But 2010 has taught me to enjoy my friends and family, to trust that God has a plan and to just be happy :) and with those things in mind I'm sure that 2011 will be just as good!
Bring it on!
Much love xxx
Last year was actually a pretty good year overall, there were some ups & downs but thinking back about it I see it as a good year :)
January wasn't great as a start to the year with Dad having his neck surgery, February saw a bit of illness and the start of uni work getting more stressful, March was when we took over as the new CU exec and I was anticipating what it would be like.
April was a good month, I booked my holidays and got a new car and finished placement! May was packed full of seeing friends before they went home for the summer.
June involved my epic trip to America which I loved! It was also the month that our housing situation changed, I got my original third year placement, and realised that I can live away from home without my world ending.
July was meant to be a few free weeks but I packed it full of fun things with friends. August included New Wine and Holiday Club which were both God-filled and brilliant.
September was Disneyland and my birthday and freshers week and start of placement! October was the weekend away and leaving placement. November was my month of being a 'normal' student, not dealing with placement but just hanging out with my friends and getting my academic work done.
December included assignments, parties, carol services, Christmas and New Years Eve Murder Mystery.
So what does 2011 hold for me?
- New placement starts on 17th January
- Results on 24th Jan
- Exec weekend away 28th Jan
- Dissertation due in end of March
- Finish placement in June
- New Wine, Holiday Club and possibly Momentum in August
- Birthday and GRADUATION in the same week in September
- Get a job at some point
- Move out! (and get a kitten!)
The biggest are Placement, Graduation, Job and Move Out.
But 2010 has taught me to enjoy my friends and family, to trust that God has a plan and to just be happy :) and with those things in mind I'm sure that 2011 will be just as good!
Bring it on!
Much love xxx
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas...
...and I might actually get my dream!
We've had several days of snow :D and its so cold that it's sticking around which makes me hugely happy.
It made getting PJ and Hannah home from uni pretty tricky and messed up travel plans for a load of my uni friends getting home for christmas but as of today everyone is home where they should be.
Not that any of their complaining stopped me from being excited about the snow!
People who know me will know that I love snow...it's just so beautiful and pure and when I see it I see God's creation is an amazing new way all over again. It reminds me of God's awesome power and yet his delicate grace too. It's pretty and fluffy and light. It makes people happier (most of the time). It makes getting anywhere just a bit more interesting and adventurous. And despite not knowing why, it makes everything feel much more christmassy!
Speaking of Christmas, it's just 3 sleeps away which is exciting :) despite having had a few christmas parties already, it all kicks off tomorrow for me with christingle making...when I do that it really feels like Christmas is here.
I'm looking forward to family time, good food, lovely presents and celebrating the birth of Jesus. There's been a show on BBC this week called The Nativity which is a 4-part series on the Christmas story and it's really good. It's reminded me of how young Mary was, how her and Joseph's marriage was arranged, how hard it was for them to accept what was happening, the culture at the time...I don't know how I would react if God had chosen me for such a special job.
In other news, I have a new placement which will start in January :) I'm starting to realise that God gave me this break for a reason, I've been able to dedicate more time to the CU which has been incredible. I've had the time to support my friends and spend more time with them. Life will get busy again once placement starts but I'm trying to be excited about it, it could be easy to get stressed and nervous about it. I haven't got long of university life left, soon I'll be getting a job and my own place and growing up properly. I'm going to enjoy the time I've got left :)
That's all- I hope we do have a white Christmas, it's looking more and more likely. But mostly I'm looking forward to chilling out with my family.
Much love xxx
We've had several days of snow :D and its so cold that it's sticking around which makes me hugely happy.
It made getting PJ and Hannah home from uni pretty tricky and messed up travel plans for a load of my uni friends getting home for christmas but as of today everyone is home where they should be.
Not that any of their complaining stopped me from being excited about the snow!
People who know me will know that I love snow...it's just so beautiful and pure and when I see it I see God's creation is an amazing new way all over again. It reminds me of God's awesome power and yet his delicate grace too. It's pretty and fluffy and light. It makes people happier (most of the time). It makes getting anywhere just a bit more interesting and adventurous. And despite not knowing why, it makes everything feel much more christmassy!
Speaking of Christmas, it's just 3 sleeps away which is exciting :) despite having had a few christmas parties already, it all kicks off tomorrow for me with christingle making...when I do that it really feels like Christmas is here.
I'm looking forward to family time, good food, lovely presents and celebrating the birth of Jesus. There's been a show on BBC this week called The Nativity which is a 4-part series on the Christmas story and it's really good. It's reminded me of how young Mary was, how her and Joseph's marriage was arranged, how hard it was for them to accept what was happening, the culture at the time...I don't know how I would react if God had chosen me for such a special job.
In other news, I have a new placement which will start in January :) I'm starting to realise that God gave me this break for a reason, I've been able to dedicate more time to the CU which has been incredible. I've had the time to support my friends and spend more time with them. Life will get busy again once placement starts but I'm trying to be excited about it, it could be easy to get stressed and nervous about it. I haven't got long of university life left, soon I'll be getting a job and my own place and growing up properly. I'm going to enjoy the time I've got left :)
That's all- I hope we do have a white Christmas, it's looking more and more likely. But mostly I'm looking forward to chilling out with my family.
Much love xxx
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