Some things change, some things don't

So...there's been a few things happening in my life recently and it got me thinking about how things can change...friendships, jobs, family...

And then I stumbled across a facebook note I did over 4 years ago where you had to list 25 'random facts' about yourself and it made me smile:

1. I love to drive
2. I don't really get the creation vs evolution debate and tend to feel really stupid when brought into a discussion about it
3. I don't really like the Simpsons
4. I couldn't have imagined how much I would love my course
5. I love that my brother and I are friends as well as siblings
6. My favourite film is 'A Walk to Remember' the main girl is so much like me in the way she is tentative about relationships and the main guy is so honest and lovely...watch it!
7. I am most definitely, without a doubt, addicted to Facebook
8. I've recently rediscovered the computer game Zoombinis
9. I pretty much live in jeans
10. I love the States, if I ever had to live in a different country I would live there
11. It wasn't until I was 16 and in 6th form that I truly felt comfortable about who I am
12. My biggest dream in life is to have a family
13. I love musicals (and yes I count High School Musical in that!)
14. I vividly remember pushing my childhood friend off her space-hopper and then realising I was being watched and so skipping away with a smile on my face...I was 5 and I think it was caught on tape
15. My favourite restaurant in the world is Frankie and Benny's
16. I love waking up and realising I have a couple of hours left to sleep
17. I used to have a re-occuring nightmare where I was chased up stairs by a blue robot and every time I got up a flight of stairs he would catch up so I would run up another...I must've run up about 500 flights of stairs a night
18. I would love to be able to fly
19. I think my parents are the most inspirational people on this earth
20. As a social worker I don't plan on changing the world, I plan on changing the lives of just a few people...that will be enough for me
21. I cry...ALOT! at films, at sad things, at tv shows, when I'm angry, when I'm stressed...all the time and very easily...sorry, I just do.
22. Without my friends I'd be very very lost
23. I love trashy soaps and tv shows
24. I hate it when people make me feel like my opinion is worth nothing
25. I love the awesome sense of timing that God has


Other than living in leggings rather than jeans, not working as a social worker anymore, and deciding that I should re-find Zoombinis...these things are still all true and they haven't changed at all!

I still don't always get the creation/evolution debate, I still love trashy soaps and tv shows and musicals, I still cry easily and have the same favourite restaurant.

Most of all, I still love the awesome sense of timing that God has :)

Near miss...

I knew this would happen...and yet that didn't change my reaction.

This morning on the way to work, I almost got hit by another car...a near miss.

A bin truck coming towards me decided to overtake a cyclist on a corner and didn't seem to care that this brought him onto my side of the road as I was coming round the corner.

I slowed and we didn't crash, but flip me it was close!

To make things worse it was on my commute road...again!

God is very good though, my lovely friend and colleague Emma was with me and that allowed me to pull over pretty promptly afterwards and she drove us the rest of the way.

She has also recently crashed so understood my reaction and was brilliant :)

As soon as I stopped driving I fell apart...I could feel it coming...shaking hands, tears, flashbacks...it was all there, and it wasn't fun.

All I could see was my car flipping, my back hurting, and darkness. It terrified me,

Once we got to work my boss sent me into her office to have some space (because she's awesome too, just like Emma) and they handled the children whilst I fell apart some more, and began to piece myself back together.

I spoke to important people who love me and were able to understand and calm me down.

I got given hugs by my other colleagues when they arrived and heard what had happened.

I ate toast and drank tea and walked round the field several times.

I took a deep breath and I got on with my day.

I survived. Both back then and today.

God is good, he blessed me in many ways today, and I am so thankful that my first 'near miss' since the crash actually could've been way worse!

Home

I've had about 5 attempts at writing this blog post...just undecided about what to write...in the end I've decided to write about my home.

I listened to a conversation between Mum and a friend today about what 'home' means, that its more than just the building but the people. It made me appreciate my 'home' and my family :)

Home is the building where I feel secure and have my favourite things around me.
Home is having PJ & Hannah back for the weekend or a few days and laughing with them over small things.
Home is evening talks with my mummy about life.
Home is noticing the emptiness in our house with my dad away for work.
Home is someone taking the time to make you feel loved and safe.

This song is from a few films (I saw it in My Sister's Keeper yesterday) and it feels appropriate :)
Not sure the link works very well but I love it :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am7EI5tdaX4

Patience

Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay...or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties.

Patience is the level of endurance one can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.

Patience...an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”
― Aristotle

“A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

“Patience is power.
Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is "timing" it waits on the right time to act,
for the right principles and in the right way.”
― Fulton J. Sheen

“Patience is a virtue,
Virtue is a grace.
Grace is a little girl
Who would not wash her face.”
― Dick King-Smith





Patience is trusting God's timing and not trying to push my own plan.
Patience is waiting and using the time to learn more from God.
Patience is seeing the sunshine today and believing that winter will be over soon and the summer isn't far away.

drastic times call for drastic measures

Recently I have been busy...tired, and busy...
It's been a gradual change so I almost haven't noticed it but for the last few months I've been out almost every night a week, busy every weekend and going to bed later and later.
And it's starting to take its toll on me.

A few of my nearest and dearest have pointed out that I'm too busy, my boss has commented on my low energy levels (not in a negative way, but more out of concern), and many areas of my life have taken the hit because of it.

So I've come up with a plan...a two month plan. Two months seems like a good time, starting from 1st April, because its a good length of time and because that'll take me until the next half term holiday. I'm pretty much going to shut myself off from the world for 2 months and take some time to recharge.

My plan includes:
- virtually no socialising, a maximum of one outing a week...house group, church, anything that improves my relationship with God is fine though. This will hopefully mean that I rest rather than go out, that I save money and eat better, and that I continue to recover. There are some social things I can't/won't avoid...weddings, time with family friends...but definitely no more than one a week.

- attempt to make #bedby10pm. This will be difficult because I struggle to sleep that early but next term I'll be working from 8am which is earlier than now, so I need more sleep and it'll help with my general energy levels

It also includes a few things about exercise and money saving...it'll all help me refocus and get things back on track.

So basically I apologise to all my friends who I'm probably not going to see for a few months, I ask that you support me and keep me accountable :) hopefully it'll help me adjust and improve life for me and those around me!

Timings

I've been thinking a lot recently about timing...about the difference between my timing and God's timing.

One of my favourite verses is '..."For i know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future"...' Jeremiah 29:11

I hardly ever doubt that God has a plan for me...I might not always see the plan happening, I might question whether or not I like it...but I do trust that it exists.
God's timing of the plan is something I constantly question...

I worry about my career and if I'm in the right job at the right time or if I should be doing something else, and getting mad when God doesn't provide me with a neon light.
I am forever yelling at God asking why he hasn't brought my husband to me yet...and why I have to wait for children.
And then when he does give me a neon light (or a very clear promise) I ask why he isn't giving it to me now and what I'm meant to do with the neon sign.

But actually God is never late. He hasn't misjudged the timing of anything. He knows exactly the moment that I'm meant to fall in love, and the age at which I'll have children...He knows what job I'll be in at all those points. And I will probably only ever get to see it in hindsight.

God has great timing. If something isn't meant to happen now, then that's because it isn't the right time. Not that it'll never happen, or that I should try and force it to happen now.
God has led me this far and I'm the happiest I've ever been, so i really don't know why I question it!

I'm aware this is a massively vague post, I have a few specific situations in mind but my thoughts are 'oh so this could be God's plan all along but I have to wait and see...' and then on the other hand it could not be God's plan at all! So there's no point writing about specifics or even wasting energy wondering about them. Instead I need to focus on God and let him guide me through the plan :)

In other news:
In the last month I've been to London, Paris and Cambridge. I've decided to focus on teaching and early years stuff as a job. I've seen more of my friends. I've started having physio, doing Pilates and trying to jog!

I'm happy and God is good :)

Reflections on 2012

So I'm away at Retreat to Advance at the moment and really enjoying having some space and time away with God and friends.

Last night the speaker talked about 2012 being an amazing year for Britain...and then there was a prayer call later for people who had heard him say that and thought that actually 2012 hadn't been a good year.
I didn't go forward for prayer but I thought about it...overall I don't view last year as awful but it did contain some of the worst times of my life.

Over the summer I had a time where my ministry was questioned and changed, it was a very tricky time and I struggled. I've had times of overcoming the past hurts and trying to heal. I had my car accident which is still sending ripple effects through my life. And I lost my beautiful godsister, I know she's dancing with God now but the sadness was, and is, massive.

I really pray that 2013 is a better year, but actually through this past year my relationship with God has grown, my ability to trust in Him, and hand over control, has grown.
I've resolved some questions about my future and healed a lot of wounds from my past.
Would I have chosen to have the bad experiences? Absolutely not. But am I thankful for the blessings that God has brought out of it all? Definitely.

So as I look forward to 2013 I pray for several things: that I could achieve my personal goals (financially, health and diet, career etc), that I might find love, that my confidence in my abilities and gifts would grow whilst remaining humble...and that I would trust God and see the rainbow beyond the rain.

"we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9