Recently I've been starting to think about PJ and Hannah going away to university...Hannah going away I can sort of deal with because a) she doesn't live with us and b) she's just been away for most of the last year so it's not such a big change (although I've kinda gotten used to having her around again).
But PJ...that's going to be a tough one. I never really left home so he's always been around and soon he won't be.
I'm also incredibly aware of my own emotions about moving away or more specifically my feelings surrounding halls.
I'm trying to balance knowing that they could have a much better experience than me or that they could possibly experience some of the same homesickness that I did. Either way I'm trying not to pre-empt what they might feel.
I also don't want them to feel like they have to feel a certain way about things or to be influenced by my experience.
I'm aware that PJ deals with things differently and even if he does get homesick he probably won't cry about it like I did.
However I know Hannah is more like me and does feel similar emotional rollercoasters so I want to make sure she's ok.
I want to visit but I know my time is going to be mentally busy, I want to visit enough that they know I'm around, but not so much that I either prompt them to feel more homesick or that I overcrowd them.
Conclusion: I need to stop overthinking things!
Being this sensitive about people's emotions makes me a good social worker but makes my mind a very complicated place sometimes.
I'm trying to trust that God is in control.
Hannah has been away from home for the last year pretty much, she has grown so much and I know she can do this. She will be in halls with other nursing students and in a 2 bed flat which is cosier I think. Yes she may have a cry or two but I know she won't be afraid to ask for help.
PJ is different to me. He is independant and makes friends easily and will do great things at university. He might get homesick but he deals with those emotions by throwing himself into work so I'm sure I won't hear about it. Although I hope he would know he could just give me a text asking for a chocolate brownie delivery and I would be there...and that I would try and resist my need to sort it out.
Either way I'm going to miss them both, especially having PJ around the house, but God will be with them and He knows how to look after them way better than I do.
Much love xxx
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