i think.
apart from the fact that maya messed up loads of stuff and made me mess up my lines :( i'm beating myself up about it a little bit to be honest. i guess its a shame coz we did it so well yesterday.
although i think a scene between cassie and i near the end might have saved us. hmm i guess we will see!
i really dont want to perform it tonight...well i do coz i can show family and friends it but i kinda just want to forget it now.
as for peer leaders last night.
for those who dont know:
at new wine i felt god saying he wanted me to do some youth work. to which i was like no! hehe coz i know i can work with kids, youth wasnt in my plan. but i started to pray for something more, to find out what god wanted me to do.bascially this woman called Rachel was talking about living a passionate life for christ so i knelt down with my head bent over to pray and i was suddenly in god's presence. and i had this vision thing of jesus and me laying down my life to him saying whatever he wanted to do with it, then i'd follow him.
surrendering all. at the same time anna came back and started praying with me and as she prayed she had this vision of the barns at christchurch all renovated and youth pouring in them with me in the middle with my hands held high praising god. talk about a crazy holy sign from god about where i should be for my gap year!
and then once i came out of god's presence i couldnt feel anything from my waist down. anna had to help me lie down. i was panicking, it wasnt even like numbness for being on my knees for so long coz i was down for 30 mins or so. i seriously couldnt feel anything! anyway some leaders came and prayed with me and one of them said 'have you had any back, leg or feet problems?' and those who know me know that i had them last year and although i hadnt said anything recently its still been hurting.
and they prayed for healing and i had this warmth go from my waist to my toes and i could feel my legs again and i got up and they felt brand new. no pain at all!!! god healed me and showed me what he wants me to do at least for my gap year!
so after that i've been making plans to do my gap year at christchurch. but at peer leaders last night i kinda admitted to people that i'm really nervous about it because i sorta allow school to distract me from god but next year there wont be anywhere to hide.
i'll have to face up to the fact that i put other things before god and that i dont talk to him as much as i'd like and that i really dont read the bible.
and to be completely honest i'm really scared that i wont measure up.
i know god loves everyone equally and that he forgives me when i mess up but i want to be an amazing christian and most of the time i'm not. and i dont really know how to make myself one.
please dont give me advice on how if i change myself then god will know or that i can do anything through god. i've been to church my whole life, i know the textbook answers, i dont need that. i just need prayers please.
anyway thats my looooooooooooooooooong post for today!
much love xxxxx
5 comments:
Holy... Sarah, you lucky thing :( I'm jealous! I've never had any random falling-over, sound-and-picture, tingly-warmth experiences. Blargh. Well, it does sound very exciting indeed!
Don't worry about the drama. Once it's done, you can't change it, and once it's analysed, you can't remember it. Or maybe that's just me.
chances are you don't know the textbook answer because God's so big and the bible so deep that you never finish learning how it really works, even after 60 years of church serivce, let alone our 8ish years.
but i take your point and i will pray lots and lots! :)
God seems to be at work in everybody's life at the moment, so i have high hopes.
keep looking to Him!
i dont usually get picture or falling over things! usually i just cry!
its how i know god really wants me here next year..i'm just nervous.
and yeah david i probably dont know all the answers but i know the answers that i would give others or andy and emma would give others and right now that doesnt help me...just pray please...i need to find the answer on my own i think.
Sarah I will be praying for you. Just remember God has a plan for you and if that involves being in Abingdon then it won't harm you.
We all have our defense mechanisms and God is constantly trying to get rid of them. Try not to worry but of course will pray loads.
I'm sure the drama thing went fine.
thanks pete :)
i think part of god working in me at the moment is that i'm starting to find andy and emma more approachable (i obviously find some things annoying as we all do) which is good.
hopefully having lunch next week with them will help clear up some of the unknowns about next year.
thanks for the prayers xx
Post a Comment